Getting into parties

Not invited? No worries.

Someone in your neighbourhood is having a party, and you aren't on the guest list. If that's because they know you and don't like you, then you're stuffed - sorry! But if they haven't met you yet, or just forgot to invite you, there's plenty of scope for still getting in the front door.

Timing is everything

Don't try to blag your way in at the start of the party. The host will be stone cold sober, worried about numbers, hovering around the door. Wait until they are more relaxed and the party is in full swing, when they'll probably be in a better mood. Also, the later you leave it, the more likely someone else is to open the door to you. Someone who doesn't know you're not invited, maybe.

Know someone

Persuade them you know someone who's already invited. Better still, if you really do know someone, they can vouch for you, and tell the host that you're a great laugh.

Arrive bearing gifts

The best thing to do is to turn up with something good for the host, like a crate of beer or a nice bottle of wine. Don't imagine that a cheap bottle of rough red wine that cost less than three quid will do the trick. An empty-handed stranger just looks like an opportunist.

Be friendly

Introduce yourself and say where you're from and that you wanted to drop by to say hello. With any luck they will feel guilty for making all that noise, and invite you in.

Join a crowd

Wait for the moment when several proper guests turn up on the doorstep all at once. You might get in during the ensuing crush and confusion, especially if you start chatting with the other people outside.

Couple up

Don't turn up in a big drunken gang, unless you want the door slammed in your face. It spells trouble and nobody wants their house filled with rude strangers who look like they're about to start a fight or nick the stereo. Go as a couple, or with one other mate as it looks a lot less threatening.

When not to try

Don't bother trying to blag your way in if it's a 'tarts and vicars' party and you don't have a costume, and forget any of the following: biker parties (unless you're a biker too), dinner parties and bridge parties (the card game, not the place where tramps sleep).