Moving on from a Cheating Partner
It felt like my whole world came crashing down on me the day I discovered my boyfriend of 3 years had cheated on me. We had been renting a flat for the last 3 months and things hadnít seemed right. I put it down to the fact we were both adjusting to the new flat and living together.
He had been on a weekís holiday with his 2 mates; I hadnít even thought that anything would happen. As far as I was concerned we were happy. As soon as he got back he started to act in a strange way, being really distant and secretive.
I didnít want to be one of those paranoid girls who checked their boyfriendís phones all the time but I had a gut feeling that something was up and I just had to find out. He took his phone everywhere with him but he also had a separate phone for work which made me feel more anxious.
When the evening came that he was out football training I set out on my hunt to find the work phone. I searched everywhere, I felt like a mad women and wondered what the hell I thought I was doing. I looked in draws, cupboards, shoes you name it I looked.
Then there it was in his laptop bag, I frantically turned it on and went straight to the messages and there they were message after message after message from a girl I had never heard of. I felt sick, the messages certainly indicated that something had gone on between them and that they were planning to meet up again.
How could I have been so stupid?
It was easy at first to blame myself, was I not pretty enough, did I not give him enough attention?
I felt so sick and was shaking, I knew I couldnít stay there and I also knew the drive to my mumís house would be too dangerous whilst I was shaking and crying. Thankfully one of my friends lived very nearby so I drove the short distance to her house and banged on the door.
I looked a mess my face was red and full of tears, my whole body was shaking and I couldnít talk as I could barely breathe.
My friend took me in her arms, she needed no explanation and I cried like that for half an hour. Once I had calmed down I explained to her what had happened.
I soon realised I had stopped shaking and that the initial shock had gone and I had got angry. I drove back to the flat and waited for him to return from football training.
He walked in the door and instantly saw I had been crying. He asked what was wrong and I confronted him about the messages I had seen, I didnít give him a chance to speak and I felt totally in control. I asked him to leave and to only return in a few days to collect his things. I couldnít believe how calm I was. I knew after he had broken that trust I would never get over it.
I cried a lot over the next few weeks mostly at night and I would often feel alone. I didnít want him to win and when I got these feelings I made an effort to text or call my friends just to chat or to meet up with them.
Over time I became more myself again, I wanted to go out and have fun. I would think of him sometimes but those thoughts soon faded and I realised our relationship wasnít as great as I thought it had been.
I only saw him a few times after that, he would beg to have me back and would write me letters asking for forgiveness. I soon realised how pathetic he was and that I had done the right thing by not taking him back.
Four years down the line I often still think how different my life would be now if I had taken him back, would I still be unhappy, would I still be with him.
After enjoying being single I met my now boyfriend, at first I was wary of trusting and opening up to him. But from doing peer advisory and giving people advise about relationships I realised how important it was to give everyone you meet the benefit of the doubt.
Every relationship is different and everyone is different. I trust my boyfriend completely and I have never questioned what he gets up to when he goes away with his mates. And after 4 years I can honestly say I have never looked at his phone or even thought about doing so.
It hurts when your heart gets broken but itís important to remember there will be someone out there who will come along when you least expect it and when they do just give them a chance.
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