Make your pad pullable
Empty takeaway cartons, overflowing ashtrays, framed photos of your ex and kiddie duvets don't make an ideal setting for seduction.
Where you pretend you really do want coffee, and where they make their first impressions about you. You want it tidy without doing a Monica, comfy enough that they'll want to stay, and personal without giving everything about you away. A few photos of family and friends, some softer lighting (lamps, candles or fairy lights), throws and rugs if you're renting a place with horrible decor or you can't afford nicer stuff, and a plant or two, but keep them alive.
We have a how to clean guide, but that's not all you should think of. You need clean fluffy towels for two of you, a box of condoms, loo roll (no-one feels sexy when they can't wipe their arse), and toothpaste. Gain yourself star points by having a new unopened toothbrush for them (although don't produce it until they need it, and say you got a two-for-one deal if they think you were being presumptuous). Also remember to keep the place aired, or to at least use an air freshener that isn't too offensive.
A double bed helps but isn't essential to pulling. If you have a single, investing in a double duvet is probably wise too. Keep bed linen plain and simple; avoid frills, cartoons, and Star Trek. Don't have sharp edges by the bed (corner of a chest of drawers for example), you may know they're there but will they remember in the morning or while attempting complicated sexual positions with you? There's nothing like a trip to casualty to kill the moment. Don't clutter the bed with fluffy toys or the walls with pictures of naked men/ women, and put away that photo of you and your ex in the heart frame.
So long as it's relatively clean yet lived in, looks like you don't live on takeaways alone, and contains cold milk, tea, coffee and sugar for that cuppa first thing, then you're fine. After all, you can always take them out for a fry-up in the morning. If, however, you've lured them over on a promise of a slap-up meal, you'd better get your thinking cap on
Cooking seduction dinners
- Ask them if there is anything they won't or can't eat beforehand. Serving up steak to a veggie or cheese to someone with a dairy allergy could make things awkward.
- Make something that doesn't fill you up too much - think passion not passing out in the chair afterwards. A seduction meal should be satisfying without being heavy as a large, high-fat meal can dampen your libido by putting you to sleep. You don't want to be spending that quality flirting time in the kitchen, so choose simple dishes that can be prepared beforehand and take no time at all to cook. Make the first or last dish finger food, both sexy and simple, it even cuts down on the washing up!
- Try a stir-fry, a pasta dish, or a warm salad. Alternatively make something that just needs to be whipped out of the oven and dished up at the right moment and served with salad and bread. However avoid very spicy dishes as they will get you all hot and bothered - but not in the way you want.
- Introduce any food, drug, drink or scent believed to stimulate sexual desire. Here are a few you may wish to incorporate into your meal: oysters; garlic & onions; cheese; chocolate; asparagus; walnuts; pine nuts and grapes. Although perhaps not all at once.
- Can't cook? Try the dish out on your mates a couple of nights before. If they refuse to eat your meal, or turn a nasty shade of green soon after, swallow your pride, go down to your local M&S, and camouflage one of their meals-for-two as your own. The best way to do this is by transferring it all into your own kitchenware and preparing all the vegetables and sauce yourself. Then get rid of all the evidence, make a bit of a mess in the kitchen and voila!
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