Online dating etiquette
More of us are turning to the internet in our search for 'The One'. Here's how to choose a reputable dating service, find like-minded individuals and meet up safely.
Finding a service
Do
- Check that your online dating service offers background checks on their members; many of the major ones will tell you if they do this on their safety pages, although this isn't that common yet in the UK.
- Persevere - success doesn't always happen overnight.
- If you are unhappy about the way things are going, contact the website as soon as possible to give them a chance to rectify the situation.
- Check what age group the majority of members are in. Some services are targeted at young people or young professionals in particular.
Don't
- Join the first online dating website you find. Some are free, whilst others have a subscription fee. Look around for popular sites that are reasonably priced.
- Join a service that refuses to give you details of its fees on the phone or on its website.
- Part with any money unless you are certain the site is reputable and trustworthy.
Creating your profile
Do
- Have a separate email address that you are happy to put on your profile for everybody to see.
- Upload a couple of up-to-date photos - but make sure they're ones you wouldn't mind your mother seeing!
- List your interests and hobbies. You could also add a paragraph describing who you'd like to talk to and what you're looking for.
Don't
- Put your telephone number or home address on your profile.
- Misspell or write in CAPITALS. This can come across as rude or pushy.
- Be disheartened if you don't get many emails at first. Writing a good profile takes practice. Try to sound positive and add some interesting facts about yourself.
Finding the right person
- Use the search function to find people who live locally or who have similar interests.
- If the service has a forum, participate in discussions.
- Be proactive. If you find someone you like the sound of, don't be afraid to email them first.
Emailing somebody
Do
- Chat about your interests and ask about theirs.
- Respond promptly. If you're not interested, just send a polite: "Thank you for your message but I'm unable to chat with you at the moment."
Don't
- Give out your bank details or important personal details.
- Hesitate to block or report someone if they harass you or send unwanted emails.
Beware of
- Scammers who will try to gain your trust before claiming to be ill or stranded abroad and desperately in need of money. Others may say they want to meet you but don't have enough money to travel.
- People who are in inconsistent with their details. Sometimes, married men use online services and lie by pretending they are single.
Arranging the first meeting
- Try to have several telephone conversations or email exchanges so that you know a little more about each other before you meet.
- Don't meet at your home or their home. It's far safer to meet in a public place during daylight hours, e.g. afternoon coffee or a quick lunchtime drink.
- Don't accept a lift to or from the date - make your own way there and back.
- Take a mobile phone with you.
- Tell a friend where you're going and when to expect you home.
On the day
Do
- Be positive - a cheerful attitude to life is much more appealing than a negative one.
- Be polite if you decide you don't want to meet up again. Don't promise you'll ring if you have no intention of doing so.
- Be yourself - don't pretend to be something you're not!
Don't
- Talk endlessly about your failed relationships - it can be off-putting!
- Drink too much, even if you are nervous. Although it's unlikely, try and get your own drink and look after it to ensure it isn't spiked.
- Feel pressurised into starting a physical relationship if you don't think the time is right.
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