The threesome (AKA the menage a trois) is a very common fantasy. Three people (any combination of males or females) having sex with each other in a kind of 'mini-orgy', if you like. The big question is whether you should you act on this fantasy, or just file the idea away with a big box of tissues for a rainy day.

What's your motivation?

The most common reason for wanting one is the idea of trying something new, and having more to look at and feel. Some people want to have twice as much attention as they normally get during sex. Others may be drawn to threesomes because it's 'forbidden', or just because of the idea of horny sex without romantic attachment.

The wrong attitude

Some people try to push reluctant boyfriends/girlfriends into threesomes that they don't really want to do. Sometimes it's a selfish power trip, and sometimes it's just an excuse for being unfaithful without getting dumped. Think very carefully about any partner who doesn't respect your feelings - do you really want to be in a relationship with someone like that? Agreeing to take part in a threesome to breathe life back into a failing relationship, or to stop your partner from leaving you, is probably going to backfire.

It can all go horribly wrong...

Problems are most likely to arise when two of the people involved are in a long-term relationship together. You may be in for a nasty shock when insecurities ('she wants an extra partner because I'm not good enough in bed') or jealousies ('he wants her more than he wants me') blow up. You could also find out that your so-called straight partner is really gay or bisexual, but hasn't got around to telling you about it. Yet. And you could end up with one person you really fancy, plus a right minger, who you obviously don't.

Safety first

If you do decide to throw caution to the wind, don't forget about safe sex. As always, keep your wits about you and be careful if you decide to get it on with people you don't really know. Trust your instincts and don't take risks with your personal safety.

So, how do you do it?

Some people try threesomes with their friends, some people advertise for partners, and others go to swingers' clubs and parties. As for the actual sex, there's no 'right way' or running order for proceedings, so you just have to use your imagination and make it up as you go along.

Preventing the fall out

We've already established it's more to do with lust than a loving relationship, so don't have any romantic expectations, and you won't be disappointed in that area. Oh, and never involve someone that you work with.

Updated: 14/10/2008