Other people's children
Kids can seem a bit alien when you're not a parent yourself. Whether you've just become a big brother, sister, auntie, uncle or god parent, TheSite.org helps you relate.
Changing relationships
Relationships change when people become parents. Your mates/brother/sister won't be able to go out clubbing till 6am every Saturday night now, but that shouldn't stop you from having fun together.
Denise Knowles, Relationship and Family Expert for the Pampers Village Parenting Panel insists you can remain friends: "You'll have nine months to get used to the idea that your friend or family member is going to have a baby and in that time you should have a conversation with them about how things are going to change," she says.
"While the new parent may not be able to go out partying every weekend, it's important not to lose your friendship. You'll need to make an effort to go and see them as it may be harder for them to come to you. Go round to theirs for a cup of tea, or a bottle of wine and a chat."
As the baby gets older and your friends get more sleep they'll begin to have a little more time to go out with - and without - their child. "Recognise and be respectful of the needs and decisions of the new parents and their new family unit," says Denise. "Embrace the child as an extension of your relationship, not something that is taking elements of your mate or sibling away."
Setting babysitting 'rules'
About to be left in charge of someone else's child? Firstly, don't panic. Get into the babysitter mindset. Find out from the child's parent or guardian when they are going to be back and what they expect you to do with their child while they're gone. Is it OK to let them watch 10 hours of TV and eat sweets? Or do they want you to try to stick to a routine? If so, what is it?
Denise emphasises how important it is to agree the boundaries before you are left to look after the child by yourself. This will also help you to avoid being stuck in a situation where the child cries "Mummy says I can do it" and you don't know if it's true. It can be a tricky balance; you need to listen to the child but also ensure that you don't undermine parental authority.
If your friends have children your relationship with their offspring tends to come as an extension of that friendship
"If a dispute occurs when you're out with the child you can easily say 'well your mum and I have spoken about this already and I know that isn't the case'," she says. "If you're in doubt, tell them you're not sure, so you're going to ring their dad; if they're bluffing, they will generally back down, but the parents won't mind you calling."
Being a positive role model
Acting as though you're the child's best mate isn't going to work if you then try to discipline them. It can be difficult to get the balance right from the word go; it's likely the new parents are still figuring these things out themselves. The best things you can do are to be dependable by turning up when you say you will and showing that you care.
"If your friends have children your relationship with their offspring tends to come as an extension of that friendship," says Denise. "If you become a godparent, or have blood ties with the child, you can be expected to play a more integral role and you may feel you have less choice in what is expected of you."
It can take a while to adjust to your new position, so Denise suggests you ask yourself how you feel about becoming this person. "Your feelings and your family history will determine how active you are in the child's life. But even if you don't physically see them very often, it's important to show them that you have an interest in their lives through regular contact - be that by email, post or over the phone."
Have fun together
But what do I talk to them about? What do babies and toddlers like to do? How on earth do you engage with your niece or godson when you are from a totally different generation? "Ask them what kind of things they like doing and what interests them, and then find a way of getting this into an activity that the two of you can enjoy," says Denise.
Make an occasion of the activity. It needn't involve a lot of money or going out. You could be colouring in and chatting to them about what they are drawing. Find out about local parks and playgrounds and take them along, or gather up lots of different paper and materials and have a messy craft session. Anything that involves really listening to them and using your imagination to fire theirs will work wonders.
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