David, 23, and Fatima, 18, have been together for two years, but Fatima's family have no idea she's dating, let alone dating someone completely 'unsuitable'. Why? It's simple: he's white and she's Indian.

Flak from friends and family

In the UK, 3 percent of children under 16 are mixed race. And yet couples who aren't from the same ethnic background can still experience dirty looks from total strangers, and blatant disapproval from family and friends. 

"When I got together with Fatima I got a lot of flak from one mate," says David. "He claimed that the only reason I was going after her was because she was exotic, you know, like forbidden fruit. It made me sick."

Coping with clashes

Normally, we wait to get to know a friend's partner before forming an opinion, but this is often bypassed when you're introducing someone from a different culture. This negative reaction is known as xenophobia - an unreasonable fear or hatred of foreigners or strangers - and is more common than you might think.

"Often people go through a process of uncomfortableness before they see each person as a human being, rather than from the culture that they are from," explains Emily Sommerman, a clinical psychologist.

Her advice is to prepare yourself for every kind of reaction: "Before you introduce your new partner, work out internally what your own reaction to other people's comments would be, and then decide how you want to talk to people about it."

It's a secret

In Fatima's case, her future is more or less mapped out; it's expected that she will be introduced to someone, but essentially will be able to pick her own fella - as long as he's from her culture. Despite his feelings for Fatima, David is living for the moment and understands why he hasn't been introduced to her family. David's family, on the other hand, are upset that they've embraced Fatima, but that their son is a secret from her family.  "I guess my mum looks further into the future than I do," says David. "I'd never be accepted as the father of Fatima's kids and I know that."

Emily points out that this relationship is obviously going to come to an end. However, for other couples in a similar relationship, it's critical for them to have clarity about what each person wants. "They should keep in mind that the reason they are being kept a secret is because it could be a first for the family, and that there's a huge risk of their partner losing the family relationship," she says.

Keeping your relationship a secret can be difficult, but dealing with a hostile family will also create added pressure. If you're considering introducing your partner, think carefully about why you want to do so. A serious relationship will probably benefit from a greater level of honesty, but you'll need to prepare yourself for some potential conflict and ask yourself, is your bond strong enough to take the plunge? For more casual relationships you need to think even harder. Is it so important to tell all about a relationship that may be over in a month? Are you being deliberately antagonistic, or are you trying to find a way of making a statement about yourself?

Above all, remember to stay calm; your family are people, too, and even if you find their views ridiculous or offensive, they probably believe they're acting in your best interests.

Merging of cultures

But it's not all bad. Kelly, 22, is Vietnamese and grew up in England without experiencing any prejudice in the home. She met her English husband, Dom, 23, three years ago and feels they share most aspects of the same culture, but with some basic differences.  

Kelly says they inevitably clash on certain issues, but when it came to their marriage, they combined the best of both worlds; they were married in a Catholic church but also included some elements of Vietnamese tradition. Embracing both cultures, they had dragon dancers at the reception and both wore Vietnamese traditional wedding outfits as well as the traditional white dress and tux.

"Any relationship is going to throw up vast differences - any two people have cultural differences, but in these situations there's more to negotiate," says Emily. "Don't forget controversy and difficulties can bring you closer together."

It's worth talking through your culture clashes to both solve your problems and to learn from one another. Big issues to look out for could include differing attitudes on women's roles, raising children and, if your partner is from a different country, where you will choose to live. On the lighter side, you'll both have new food, music and traditions to explore, even if your partner will never understand when you talk about TV programmes you enjoyed as a kid. 

Updated: 08/12/2009

By Leslie Sinoway