Ready or not?
Question
I've been seeing my boyfriend for six months. I'm still a virgin, but we've been thinking about having sex. I'm just concerned that I'm physically too young to have sex - is 19 too early biologically?
Answer
Deciding to have sex for the first time is a very big decision and most people will remember their first time. There is a lot to think about including whether you are ready emotionally and how to make sure that you are protected from unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.
There is no age limit as to when you can have sex, although the law states that it is illegal for those under the age of 16 to engage in sexual activity. Biologically you can have sex when you are 19.
Remember, it is important not to feel pressurised into doing something that you are not comfortable with - you have every right to wait until you feel ready to have sex. Having sex can involve getting closer to someone physically and emotionally. Feeling pressurised, rushing things or having sex somewhere unsuitable is likely to make you feel uncomfortable about the experience, so you need to be able to talk openly with your partner about:
- what feels good for both of you;
- which contraception you are planning to use;
- any anxiety you may have about having sex for the first time.
When women have penetrative sex for the first time, it can sometimes be uncomfortable. Some women do bleed a little bit if the hymen (a small piece of thin skin which covers some of the opening of the vagina) is still intact, as it will break the first time they have sexual intercourse. This doesn't happen to all women as the hymen may already have broken before sex, through using tampons or taking part in sports.
Penetration can be difficult for both partners if they are tense or not aroused enough or if the woman is too dry, but intercourse usually becomes easier and more comfortable in time. Take your time, make sure you feel aroused enough and let each other know if it feels OK before you attempt penetration. To make it easier people sometimes use lubricants such as KY Jelly, which may help. Lubricants are free from Brook or family planning services or can be bought from chemists. It is important not to use Vaseline or anything that contains oil if you are using condoms as they can weaken rubber.
If you need advice on contraception to help reduce the risks of unwanted pregnancy and STIs, you can go along to your doctor (GP), your local Brook Centre (for under 25s) or a local family planning clinic. Advice is given in confidence and contraception will be free. You can also buy condoms from a chemist and other retail outlets.
If you'd like to talk things through, you can visit your local Brook Centre and have a chat with a counsellor there, in confidence, about anything to do with sex and relationships. Or give them a call on 0800 0185 023.
Updated: 07/06/2011
Question answered by YouthNet in association with Brook
