No means no

I was going out with someone who forced me to have sex. I told him I didn't want to but he wouldn't stop and now I don't know what to do. I feel sick every time I think about it. He is trying to reassure me that nothing happened and now I dont feel like I can tell anyone. What should I do?

You have taken a brave step in contacting us; this must be a very difficult time for you.

Any sexual attack, including rape, is a very serious offence. Women who have been attacked in this way are often left feeling guilty, ashamed and unable to trust, which in turn makes it difficult for them to tell anyone.

You may be surprised to hear that in the majority of cases the rapist is known to the woman. He may be a friend, a workmate, relative or partner. About 50% of rapes occur in the home of the woman or attacker.

It's important to remember that no man, even those that you know, ever has the right to force himself upon a woman. If a woman says no to sex, or any other sexual act, then this means no. Rape is never the woman's fault.

Victims often find it hard to understand that what has happened to them was not their fault. It is very important for you to talk about what has happened with someone you can trust.

If you are finding it hard to open up to someone close to you it might help to talk to someone anonymous at first. You could contact your local Rape Crisis Centre to talk to someone about what you are going through. They are trained to help people about these issues without judging, and all conversations are confidential. Victim Support also offer a specialist service to victims of crime, whether it has been reported to the police or not. You can call them on 0845 3030 900. If you are under 25, you could also see a counsellor at a Brook Centre. Counselling is free and confidential at all Brook Centres.

Have you considered reporting this man to the police? It sounds as though you are still in contact with him, and are possibly still in a relationship with him. If you are afraid that it will happen again or feel that he is trying to control your actions then reporting his actions, or getting some advice about the law, may help to put your mind at rest.

Although it might be hard to think about, you should know that you could be at risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections (STIs), so it's important that you seek some advice. For free pregnancy testing you can visit your doctor (GP) or your local Brook centre (under 25s only). For advice about sexually transmitted infections you can visit your nearest genito-urinary medicine (GUM) clinic.

It's really important that you get the help that you need. Remember that there are lots of people that you can talk to. Just take it one step at a time and do what feels right for you.

Updated: 19/04/2006

Question answered by YouthNet in association with Brook