Relationship paralysis
Question
About five years ago I was in a road accident and was paralysed from the shoulders down. I've been single ever since. I want to know if there's a chance I'll ever find a partner. Will I be single forever?
Answer
Firstly, it's worth remembering that any kind of accident can be traumatic, given that it is an unexpected or undesirable event. In cases like yours, where there are significant injuries, accidents can be permanently life altering and take their toll, both physically and mentally.
Understandably, an individual's sense of identity and self-esteem can be badly shaken as a result of the enforced change and restriction brought about by a permanent spinal injury. Depending on your circumstances you may feel isolated at times. And if you add to this complicated equation the struggle so many of us have finding a suitable partner, it's not surprising you're worried about being single.
It's important you receive the right support for your emotional as well as physical needs. Because there are so many practicalities to contend with when learning how to live with a spinal injury, it can be easy to overlook the importance of psychological adjustment. Although an individual might receive excellent medical support for their physical injuries, without help to understand their feelings about what's happened the mental scars of the trauma can never heal properly.
If you don't feel you have properly dealt with these issues you can contact RoadPeace who offer telephone counselling and lots of other services to people who've been injured in road accidents. Their helpline is available on 0845 450 0355. You can also try the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). They can provide a list of professionally qualified therapists and counsellors in your area who specialise in treating people with physical disabilities.
A key point for anyone to keep in mind when searching for a partner (no matter what their circumstances), is to project optimism and confidence. Negativity and even just a small amount of self-loathing are easy to detect in others and can put people off. Everyone feels anxiety about meeting new people but it's important not to sell yourself short as a result.
If you're finding it hard actually meeting people you might like to consider visiting a reputable internet dating site, if you haven't already done so. Lots of people use them to meet partners and they're also a great way to make new friends. There are a few good dating sites specifically aimed at people with disabilities, which may be of interest you. At the very least they might be a good means for gathering advice/support/tips on how to proceed from people who are in the same boat as you.
Try to see this as an adventure of sorts, keep an open mind and, most importantly, have fun.
Updated: 20/07/2007
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
