Parenting pressure
Question
My relationship with my baby son is suffering as I'm constantly stressed and anxious about everything. It's got so bad I've forgotten how to relax. What can I do?
Answer
Being under constant stress can wreak havoc on any relationship, with a partner or a relative. It's possible you might be finding yourself losing your temper or reacting without thinking to your son's behaviour. Maybe your son has been acting out in response to your stress. Without help, the stress could build until you feel ready to explode, so it's important to find out how to deal with this stress and learn to relax again.
For starters, it might be helpful to take a long, hard look at your situation in order to ascertain where exactly the stress is coming from. For instance, have you been having problems at work? With other family members? With your health? By pinpointing the problem, you are, in essence, taking the first step to repairing the damage.
You might also find it helpful to talk to someone about what is going on in your life. If you can't talk to someone in your family (or don't find that helpful) then you might consider ringing SupportLine, a telephone helpline that provides emotional support on any issue, on 020 8554 9004. Another excellent counselling resource is Careline on 020 8514 1177. For free and impartial information, advice, counselling and support for young people, or to receive details of counselling services in your area, you can ring Youth Access on 020 8772 9900. You might also want to contact ParentLine Plus, an organisation which offers support, advice and information to anyone parenting a child. Their number is 0808 800 2222.
Once you reach out for help, you might find that your stress feels more manageable. You might also feel less frustrated, and less alone.
It you've forgotten how to relax then you need to think about relearning ways to let the stress of the day go. For many people, relaxation is a skill; it doesn't come naturally for everyone. You could try making a list of all the activities you find relaxing and enjoyable, such as reading, taking a bath by candlelight, practising yoga or meditation, etc. Once you've narrowed down the things that give you pleasure and satisfaction, you can try looking for times where it would be possible to indulge them, perhaps by asking for help from family and friends to organise a break where you can do what you want.
It might also be worth drawing up a list of the things you and your son enjoy doing together and see if there are ways to emphasise these parts of your relationship over the problems.
Being a mum is extremely hard work, especially if you have little support, so try to be kinder to yourself. You don't have to be perfect, simply do the best you possibly can, and take it from there. Engage in activities that both you and your son enjoy. Read together, laugh together; try to find a way to enjoy each other's company without being stressed about how he is reacting to you.
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