Old flame
Question
I dated a guy in school for three years. He was the first man I ever loved, when he left for uni it broke my heart. Now it's five years later and weve ended up living in the same town and have started hanging out all the time. I think that I'm starting to fall back in love with him. We go out to dinner at least four times a week and even watch movies together. We haven't done anything physical, not even kiss. He hasn't tried and neither have I.
So do you think he just wants to be friends? I dont know how to ask him if he still feels the same way about me as I do about him. Should I bring it up or wait for him to say something?
Answer
Whilst it's impossible to know what your ex, or anyone else, might be thinking, I can certainly see how you've got the impression he wants to be with you given how much time you're spending together.
Any number of things could be going on here: he might be unsure of his feelings for you so is spending time with you to try and figure things out; or he could be falling back in love with you as well but is equally unsure of what you're feeling and is afraid to find out. The list of possible scenarios is endless, and you'd probably drive yourself crazy trying to come to any conclusions on your own, so it might be a good idea to talk to him. I appreciate how scary it would be to let this guy know how you feel and no one wants to open themselves up for rejection. But the only way either of you can know how the other feels and whether or not it makes sense to move things forward, is if you're honest with one another.
Consider picking a moment carefully, when the two of you are alone and not distracted by other things, and let him know you've really enjoyed his company lately and have been starting to have romantic feelings for him again. You might want to reassure him that you're not trying to put pressure on him but you wanted to clear the air. If you do that and it seems to be going well, then you could go a little further and ask him how he feels about the possibility of you two trying to be a couple again. Don't panic if he doesn't respond straight away as he may need time to think things through.
If he'd like to give it another go then you might want to take things slowly this time and make sure you're both willing to communicate as openly and honestly with each other as is possible. If he wants things to stay as 'just a good friends' you will undoubtedly feel sad and disappointed but at least you'll be clear about his intentions. Only then can you decide for yourself whether holding onto the friendship is worth the heartache or whether you need to draw a line under this relationship and move on.
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