Moving too fast
Question
I've recently started a relationship with a girl at school, but already I'm worried. It seems that she likes me more than I like her, and it's got me feeling really bad. I know there's a chance that as we continue to see each other my feelings for her may begin to grow stronger, but I don't know if it'll ever get to the stage where I'm in love with her.
I'm worried that she will fall in love with me and I won't feel the same. I don't want to break up with her, but I don't know what to do. Do you have any advice?
Answer
It's great you're putting a lot of thought into how this girl feels about you. You haven't been going out with her long, so it's quite normal not to know how you feel about her. Some people's feelings develop quickly, while others take time for their feelings to grow. Being switched on to how you feel is the first step towards being in tune with yourself and deciding where you'd like to go with any relationship.
You don't want to break up with her, but it sounds like you would like to take things slowly and see where it goes. Are you worried because you'd prefer to keep things fun, and not feel like you're heading into a longer term commitment? Or is it because you're wary of hurting her feelings?
It could be that she does have stronger feelings for you, but how that impacts on your relationship is up to you. You need to let her know if you'd like to take things at a more relaxed pace. If you feel that she is not happy to do this or is looking for more than you're prepared to give, you need to have an open and honest conversation about what you both want from this relationship. If you don't talk this one through your worries might get in the way of enabling you both to get the most out of this developing relationship.
It might be a good idea to talk to her about it now rather than later. Choosing the right moment to talk is important; make sure it's a time when you're alone and both relaxed. Prepare what you're going to say beforehand to help get it straight what you want to say.
To a certain extent, not knowing how a relationship is going to develop comes with the territory. This not just true of romantic partners, it's also equally true of friendships. Being brave and accepting you may make mistakes can help turn each relationship and friendship you have into a real learning experience. Learning what you do like in a person, and learning what you don't like, will help you get closer to being more certain about what you want from your relationships.
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Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
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