Lesson in love
Question
Recently, I went clubbing with a few friends and one of my college tutors was there. We were dancing and having a good time as friends, but by the end of the night we were snogging. I know we were both drunk but now I'm starting to have feelings for him. I keep finding myself looking at him during class. What do I do now?
Answer
This is quite a tricky situation and the first issue you might like to consider is your college's view on this kind of thing. Your college will almost certainly have a code of conduct that its tutors have to sign up to. This will outline their conditions of employment, but will also cover the conduct that's expected of them in a social setting with students. Although every college has its own view on these issues, it's likely the code of conduct would try to prohibit any close liaisons with students with students.
This may seem a little heavy-handed, but these codes of conduct are in place to try and protect your needs, as well as your teacher's.
Lecturers are in a very privileged position so it's important for the students and tutors that rules are adhered to. Student/teacher relationships can be very difficult for a number of reasons. It's possible this could be the start of a wonderful relationship, but it's equally possible the relationship will be short-lived. If this is the case all sorts of difficulties might arise. It may seem unlikely now, but it's important to think of the consequences of getting involved with a man who holds a powerful position in your life.
You can't help your feelings, but you can help what you do about them. You may both decide that your feelings for one another are more important than sticking to your college rules or you may decide the situation is too complicated to pursue. Either way, it has to be a decision you're both comfortable with.
Communication, in any kind of relationship, is really important. It doesn't sound like you've spoken to your tutor about what happened since you kissed. If you feel able to, why not find an opportunity to talk openly and honestly with him. The main thing is to clear the air so you can both feel at ease during lessons and are able to maintain your student/tutor relationship for the sake of your studies and his career.
At this point, you may also find it helps to talk to a trusted adult or friend about your feelings. They may be able to offer you further support or advice. If you don't feel able to talk to anyone you know, SupportLine offers emotional support to young people over the telephone and it's completely confidential. You can call an advisor on 020 8554 9004.
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Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
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