Insecurity insight
Question
How do I stop being so insecure? It's stopping me getting on with life.
Answer
Insecurity can affect people in many different ways; sometimes just during particular situations and, sometimes, in everything they do. Some people may find themselves crippled by feelings of insecurity when attempting academic work but they excel in social situations. Others, at the more extreme end of the spectrum, find themselves paralysed by a sense of insecurity about their overall value as a human being. Often, in this case, the individual becomes so negatively effected by insecurity they end up feeling completely worthless.
There are no easy answers as to why we feel insecure. A certain amount of insecurity is natural, given that we have natural strengths and weaknesses whether we like it or not. But, severe insecurity and low self-esteem are often the result of having experienced some kind of emotional or physical trauma, abuse or neglect in childhood.
None of us ever stop feeling insecure altogether but we can definitely learn how to deal with it more positively. If you're able to pinpoint your insecurity then take a deep breath, face your fear and practice what frightens you until it becomes more comfortable. If you're insecure about your intelligence see if you can get some extra tutoring at school or take an evening course in a subject you like. If you're feeling very shy then try to put yourself in more social situations rather than avoiding them. These types of personal challenges are scary but can be rewarding and are usually more likely to succeed with the support of friends and family.
If your insecurity is ruling your life you may find that examining where these feelings are coming from will help you to come to terms with your insecurity. This can be a painful process and might be best done with a counsellor or psychotherapist. For information on professionally qualified counsellors and therapists in your area contact either the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy on 0870 443 5162 or Youth Access (who will be able to outline details of local youth information, advice and counselling services) on 020 8772 9900. Remember that no one can know what they're really capable of unless they take some risks.
Updated: 07/07/2005
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