Heading home alone
Question
I've decided to move back to Denmark, where I come from. The problem is I dont know how to break it to my ex the mother of my son.
Answer
If you go to live in Denmark and choose not to take your ex-partner or your son with you, then under UK law you have no duty to maintain either the child or your ex. If you have been living together there will be issues around who owns what and what financial stake you each have in any property you may own.
If you return to the UK then your liability for child support under the Child Support Agency (CSA) regulations will kick in and there may even be arrears to pay for the time you were away. If, while you are working abroad, you work for a UK company or Government department and any of your salary is paid in the UK then your liability for child maintenance will remain.
Having said all that, we come to the feelings and emotions in this issue. Much depends here on how long you and your partner have been together, how strong the relationship has been, and how close you are to your child.
Presumably, this woman has meant something to you - and therefore you will feel that you owe her some love and consideration. And though you have no legal necessity to maintain your child, it's likely that you feel you want to look after him financially.
You also need to sort out whether you plan to drop right out of your son's life or whether you want to be his father and have contact. These are the sorts of things that need discussing face-to-face, but you need to have a clear idea of your intentions before talking to your ex.
Clearly, this is not going to be an easy conversation to have, but it's certainly an important one. In that conversation you could consider being honest, asking for what you want out of the parenting situation, and perhaps promise some kind of emotional and financial support.
The cowardly thing here would be just to leave, or to text. There is no easy way of saying what you have to say - unless your partner is fed up with you and pleased to see the back of you. But if you intend to have a new start in a new place, it's important for your own emotional wellbeing, and that of your partner, to try and negotiate things as best as you can.
Hopefully you will be able to come to a reasonably amicable arrangement with your ex, and - most importantly of all - the child whom you made together will be protected in this arrangement and properly cared for.
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