Flirty friend
Question
I've been spending some time texting and flirting with a girl I like. The thing is, she's only just split up with her girlfriend so I'm worried how to approach a relationship. When I'm tipsy or on the phone I'm fine but when we go for a drink together I feel really shy. How can I take it to the next level without making a fool out of myself or ending up as a rebound pull?
Answer
Liking somebody new is always scary. When you don't know the other person well it's hard to tell how they feel or what they're thinking. It's also normal to feel vulnerable because you face possible rejection. Most people, even the ones who are usually very confident, can feel shy about revealing their feelings to a prospective lover.
As far as this girl is concerned, from what you say the signs are good. If you've been for several drinks together, she must like your company. You're doing the right thing by slowly getting to know each other and becoming friends first. Although I can't say if she wants a relationship with you, either now, or in the future, it sounds like she definitely likes you as a friend. That means you can't really lose - you'll gain a friend, if nothing else.
Don't worry too much about the fact that she's just come out of another relationship. It doesn't sound like she's on the rebound. If she were, she'd have rushed straight into a passionate fling with you, rather than taking things slowly as she appears to be doing. If her previous relationship ended on good terms, or just ran its course, there's no reason why she might not be ready to start seeing someone else. Being on the rebound is a state of mind, when you can't deal with the emotional fallout of a break-up, rather than a set time period.
Keep on doing what you're doing. Get to know her and let her see that you're a nice, fun, interesting person. Then slowly start sending her flirty signals, like being more tactile (e.g. touching her arm when you're chatting etc.) and making lots of eye contact. The way she responds and her body language should let you know if she feels the same. If you really don't have the courage to do this, why not send her some flirty texts? If she's not ready for another relationship yet, she should tell you.
Updated: 17/01/2005
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
