Fact or fantasy?
Question
When I was a teenager I used to think about having sex with other men, I even masturbated over the thought of it. Since then I've never thought much about it but now I'm in a serious relationship with my girlfriend and I'm worried if thinking this way means I'm gay.
I feel like I want to be with my woman but don't want to lead her on if I'm not straight. Do those teenage fantasies mean I'm gay?
Answer
Most people sometimes have romantic or sexy feelings about someone of the same gender, or have erotic same-sex dreams. For most people these ideas remain fantasies, for others they don't. It's all about how important those fantasies are to you.
At the moment, you don't seem to have an urge to have a gay relationship. You seem happy with your heterosexual one. As long as you're happy and content, consider concentrating on what you have, and not worrying about any dreams you have had in the past, or indeed any you might have in the future.
If by any chance you are really keen on men, enough to want a sexual relationship, then one day, you will feel that that is what you want to do, but it shouldn't be a decision born out of fear or concern about your dreams.
For more information on sexual identity, you can to contact the London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard, which provides information, support and a referral service for lesbians, gay men, bisexual men and women and heterosexuals. You can call them on 020 7837 7324, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Updated: 27/07/2005
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
