Down and dumped
Question
I'm feeling incredibly low at the moment. My boyfriend dumped me two months ago and I've just started a new university for the final year of my degree, but I only know two people on the course. My self-esteem has plummeted and I have lost motivation to do anything.
I've tried going to the gym and spending more time with friends, but this doesn't make me feel much better. I feel uncertain about the future and am bored quite a lot of the time. I also feel constantly exhausted even when I haven't done anything strenuous. Do you have any advice?
Answer
It sounds like you are in a difficult place right now. Even though it can be hard to believe when you feel so low, there are lots of things you can do to move forward in your life and feel more positive about yourself. Also, bear in mind that there are people who can help you deal with your emotions, and that the way you feel now won't continue forever.
Going through a combination of major upheavals in your life - such as breaking up with a partner or moving to a different university - can be overwhelming. To help you cope, try not to confront all of your problems all at once. Instead, take the time to consider each one individually - this might help you feel more in control of your emotions.
It's worth reminding yourself that two months isn't long to get over someone. It's natural to still feel upset, and it may take some time yet before you can fully come to terms with what's happened. There's no need to rush yourself into feeling better, but you may find that it helps to talk through your feelings with someone you trust, such as a friend or relative. They may even be able to offer advice based on personal experience, or suggest doing activities that will lift your mood.
Changing universities can be difficult at the best of times, and it's not surprising that you're finding it particularly hard as you're still upset about splitting up from your boyfriend. It's great to hear that you've been spending time with existing friends and going to the gym, and you may be able to feel the benefits of doing this if you keep it up for a while longer. In the meantime, if you'd like to get to know more people at your new university, perhaps you could consider joining a student club that suits your interests or you could think about volunteering.
You could consider talking to your doctor (GP) about your emotions because feeling low, unmotivated and fatigued can be signs of depression. Your GP may offer you medication to help, and could refer you to local counselling services. If you would rather access counselling services independently you can search the Youth Access database for free support and counselling in your area.
It may also be helpful to speak to a specialist advisor at SupportLine on 020 8554 9004. This telephone helpline offers confidential emotional support and advice on developing positive coping strategies.
Good answer? Bad info? Want to tell us what you think? We'd really like to hear what you've got to say about this answer so please click here to take the survey. Your feedback is confidential and as anonymous as you like.
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
Print this page Email this page to a friend Add to favourites
