Black sheep boyfriend
Question
I've been dating a guy for a few months and it's starting to get serious. The problem is, my parents have a total objection to our relationship because he's black. His family have no problem with me, so how can I get my parents to accept our relationship?
Answer
This must be a very upsetting situation for you. On the plus side, you are happy with your man and you have been welcomed by his family. But what can you do about yours? First of all, do you have brothers and sisters who might be more liberal who could help you to talk to your parents? If you do, that might be one way forward. Do you have anyone else you can turn to who might have some influence over your parents? Another family member perhaps, or a family friend?
If not, then a number of things may happen. Perhaps your family will come to accept your boyfriend in time. Or maybe you will make the decision that you cannot give up this love for your family. You may end up getting married without their support but they might come round to the whole idea later. These aren't easy scenarios to contemplate, but you may need to accept that your parents are not going to be easily won over.
It's sometimes hard to understand how individuals, such as your family, can continue to hold these kinds of views when Britain has become so multi-cultural. Maybe your parents have had far less contact with other races and cultures than yourself and are simply a little ignorant? The key to getting them to accept your boyfriend could be leading by example. Let them know all the good things about your boyfriend and how he makes you happy; if they can see that he is a good man with the right values and intentions his race may become less of an issue. Then ask them if you can all get together to get to know each other better - hiding your relationship away will only exacerbate the problem further. You could suggest a neutral setting so everyone's on equal grounds.
Also, by looking around you, you might find the answer. The chances are that you have other friends in mixed race relationships. Talk to them and listen to their experiences. Allow them to guide and support you. You could also use TheSite's discussion boards to draw on other people's experiences in this way. By raising your issue there, you will almost certainly find other people who have gone through something similar to you - and they may have advice to offer on how they tackled problems with their family.
The important thing here is that you feel your relationship is serious. Of course it will be regrettable and sad if your family doesn't accept your man, but you are an adult and you have a right to choose your own life partner.
Updated: 06/09/2006
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
