Bedroom boredom
Question
My boyfriend is very loving in the bedroom and I still find him sexy but he never tries anything different. I'm becoming tired of the same position every time.
I'd love to explore things with him or tell him my fantasies but when I come to talking about it with him I just clam up. How can I make him understand without feeling embarrassed?
Answer
It's easy for a couple's sex life to get into a bit of a rut, especially when you've been together for a while. People tend to experiment a lot at the beginning of relationships and then fall into a comfortable routine. But there's no reason you can't make changes now and start spicing up your sex life. If your partner is a good and sensitive lover, you're halfway there already.
Communication is the key to good sex, but communicating doesn't always mean using words. If you feel too shy to spell out what you want, you don't have to. Next time you have sex and your partner you in the same position, why don't you climb on top instead, or roll your partner over? The important thing is to make sure he doesn't feel inadequate or think that you don't enjoy your normal sex life. Try to emphasise the positive, so think about avoiding comments like 'I'm sick of this position' and instead consider saying 'I love it when you touch me there'.
You could also go to a female friendly sex shop and buy some sex toys, sexy underwear and things like silk scarves, which you can use to tie each other up with. Then, choose your moment and surprise your husband with them. It might also be a good idea to buy some books or erotic movies and enjoy them together. You could then try out the new positions you see. You'll feel less inhibited if you turn all these experiences into a game. You could even dress up in a sexy costume and act out a role play together.
Lots of people find sexy talk a big turn on, so if you're feeling brave you could try talking dirty. Having sexual needs and feelings is nothing to be ashamed of and it's important to express yours to your boyfriend. If you keep them inside it's likely you'll eventually stop enjoying sex and may end up resenting him.
Updated: 20/04/2006
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
