Miserly top tips

Are your pockets feeling a bit light? We've all been there, but if you want a little more cash to burn follow our tips to stretch your cash a little further.

1. Suggest everybody buys rounds in the pub, drink your fill, then hide in the bogs or go home when it's your turn.

2. Work out what you need to spend for the week and take this money out as cash. Then stick to it, and don't write any extra cheques or go to the cash point.

3. Dump your boyfriend/girlfriend just before Christmas/Valentine's Day to save on unnecessary cards and gifts.

4. Arrive at a friend's house looking hungry, just before they usually cook dinner to guilt-trip them into feeding you. Do this to all your friends in rotation.

5. Dye your milk blue with food colouring before you put it in the fridge, and keep an eye out for anyone eating green cornflakes.

6. Never, ever go shopping if you are hungry, drunk, or stoned. You will buy piles of junk that you don't need, and forget the stuff you do need. So you'll have to go shopping twice.

7. Keep your bills down. Only use the phone for cheap rate calls, and avoid using the tumble drier, unless it's an emergency. Better still, use someone else's phone and tumble drier.

8. Sell your Granny. Only joking. Some people, no sense of humour.

9. If you can't afford a haircut, go to the hairdressers on 'model night' and get it done cheaply by the trainee. But don't ask for anything too complicated.

10. Get another job. Work behind a bar in the evenings, even if it's only to stop yourself propping it up from the other side.