Child access wars
Question
My boyfriend has a child from a previous relationship, but his ex is denying him access. She won't let him speak to the kid on the phone, and has even threatened to call the police if he doesn't back off. Is there anything he can do?
Answer
Your partner needs to be careful in the way he approaches his ex. If she carries out her threat to go to the police, she could make a charge of harassment. Any accusation of this kind could be seriously damaging to him should he decide to seek a legal remedy through the courts.
Ultimately, if your partner wants to have contact with his child, he will need the cooperation of his ex. Even if he is granted a contact order by the courts, she can still make life difficult by bringing the child late for visits, claiming the child is ill, saying the child does not want to come and a whole range of other things that the resident parent (the parent living with the child) can do. It's clear that without her active cooperation, your partner could be even worse off than he is at the moment.
If he's determined to maintain contact, then he may want to consider writing to his ex. This way, he can spell out his desire to keep contact with his child and help out in any way he can. When he writes, there should be no threats of legal action. The focus of the letter should be on the positive benefits to their child of his involvement as a father. This can range from spending the odd weekend together to attending school events or a trip to the cinema.
If she does back down, and allows him to play a role, make sure he asks about practicalities like bedtime routines, food likes and dislikes and discipline, etc. Not only does this mean his ex can see he's trying to support her role as a mother, but the child will also see that the two of them are working together.
If this informal approach doesn't work, then he may need to go to the next step of mediation. This is where a third party tries to bring everyone together to work out a way forward. There is an organisation called National Family Mediation that may be able to help in a case like this. There is a cost, and it can only be effective if she is willing to be part of the negotiations.
Should this fail, your boyfriend's only option will be the courts and this could be expensive and difficult without any cooperation from his ex. Even so, he could apply for any or all of the following orders: Parental Responsibility (he may already have this automatically if he was married to his ex when the child was born or they registered the birth together after 2003); contact order; or residence order. Should he decide to go down any or all of these lines, be aware that he will need expert legal advice from a member of the solicitors' family law panel.
Updated: 15/04/2010
Question answered by CAB
