Surviving suicide
Question
Someone I loved took his own life a couple of years ago. Whenever it comes round to that time of the year I cut myself. I try to tell myself that I do it to feel some of the pain he must have felt in order to commit suicide. Am I a self-harmer? Do I need to talk to someone, and if so, who?
Answer
The bereavement process following the loss of someone we love is unique to everyone. When someone dies through suicide, this can be particularly painful. People may experience feelings of overwhelming sadness, anger, frustration and guilt. Handling such feelings can be hard and everyone deals with them in different ways.
Losing a person you loved in this way must have been a very distressing experience. Understandably, two years on, you are still feeling the emotional impact of the situation. Cutting yourself as a way of dealing with the circumstances under which he died must be upsetting. Please be reassured, you do not have to go through this alone and there are people you can talk to.
Self-harm is often a way for people to cope with, and get through, difficult emotions or situations. These feelings are quite often the reason why people self-harm, as a means of communicating what they cannot put into words or even into thoughts. It may also be a way of releasing painful emotions such as rage, sadness, emptiness, guilt or fear.
You do not say if you have spoken to anyone about how you are feeling and your concerns about self-harm. People often find talking with trusted friends and family about their feelings can help. This may also give friends and family a better insight into the situation, helping them to offer more effective support and understanding.
Sometimes it can be easier to talk to someone they don't know, though. The Bristol Crisis Centre for Women has a national self-harm helpline on 0117 925 1119. You can also get some useful, practical advice on the National Self-Harm Network website. In addition, Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS) provides information and support you may find helpful. You can speak to an advisor on 0870 241 3337 or join a support group, which can give you the opportunity for people to share their feelings and experiences in a confidential environment.
It might be worth considering the option of counselling as a way of exploring your feelings surrounding your bereavement and reasons for your self-harming behaviour. Youth Access has a search engine which allows you to search for a local service independently. Alternatively, you might like to consider making an appointment with your doctor (GP), who should be able to explore the options available to you.
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Question answered by SANE
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