Relationship related stress
Question
Over the last few years I have been under a great deal of emotional stress because of a relationship I was in. I've felt depressed throughout this time but lately I've been feeling much worse.
Although the original relationship is over, I have developed a dependency on a new partner whom I do not think is suitable, but seem unable to break away from. I am constantly distracted, lethargic, unmotivated and forgetful and also have difficulty sleeping. I'm really worried about it because I don't think I can fulfil any of the responsibilities in my life.
I do not have close friends or family to turn to for emotional support and I'm worried that I'm having some kind of breakdown. If I am, is there anything I can do about it? I really don't want to try medication unless absolutely necessary.
Answer
Clearly, the last few years have been very turbulent for you and having to cope without any emotional support from friends or family must be very hard. Being under constant stress can put a strain on any relationship, with a partner, children, friends or relatives. Further, depression can be very debilitating and isolating. The combination of all of these things can be very draining and overwhelming, but you don't have to go through this alone.
Feeling distracted, lethargic and unmotivated are all symptoms of depression but it's important you get a professional diagnosis. Your concerns about medication are understandable, so it may be helpful to know there are a number of ways of treating depression both with, and without, medication. Your local doctor (GP) will be able to discuss the medical and talking treatment options available, such as antidepressants or cognitive behaviour therapy. There are also a lot of alternative therapies and natural remedies available, which may help to relieve some of the stress, which in turn may help to stabilise your sleeping patterns.
Feelings of worry and stress can be anxiety-provoking, especially when they are a constant part of your life, and this can be hard to cope with. Stress can be a result of pressures in a particular area of someone's life and tackling the causes of this pressure could help relieve the stress. It may be something has happened to trigger these feelings, such as the relationship you mention in your message.
Talking to a counsellor can be a really helpful way of exploring any underlying issues, which may be causing you to feel depressed and unmotivated. It'll also give you an opportunity to discuss the way your past and current relationships have had an impact on you, particularly the issue of dependency you mention. Your inability to break away from your current partner despite their being, as you say, unsuitable, could be an indication of self-esteem and confidence issues. Your GP should also be able to refer you on to an appropriate counselling service or you could try contacting British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) if you'd like to seek this form of support independently.
If you feel uncomfortable discussing any of this with your doctor, you might like to call SANELINE on 0845 767 8000. You can talk to them in confidence about your feelings and concerns.
Updated: 10/06/2010
Question answered by SANE
