Out and troubled
Question
Last year I came out to my parents and they had no problems with it at all. However, once people at work found out about my sexuality they started giving me a really hard time about it. They bullied me and one bloke even attacked me after finding out. I did tell the police about the attack and they charged him, but my boss did nothing.
Since then I've been really low and paranoid, and my sex drive has more or less gone. I've finally left the company and I'm going to try to take legal action against them but I still get a lot of stick from the people I used to work with.
I'm at my wits end and just feel like ending it once and for all. I'm too scared to talk to my doctor because I don't know how he'll react. And it's started to affect my friendships too. They keep telling me to get help because it's taking over my life. And they're right. I just don't know where or how to get the help I need.
Answer
Coming out can be difficult, as you have found with your workplace, but it may help to remember that people can react differently. For instance, some have already reacted positively; your family demonstrated a real acceptance of your sexuality. Understandably, you're feeling very unhappy about your situation, but you don't have to go through this alone. You can talk through your situation confidentially with a volunteer on the London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard (LLGS). They aim to be welcoming, supportive and non-judgmental and will give you the space and time to talk through your feelings. You can contact the helpline on 020 7837 7324.
Although life may seem bleak at the moment, sometimes it can help to speak to someone about such difficult feelings, especially thoughts of suicide. People do often find talking to a close friend or relative helps. Although this may seem difficult initially, by sharing your feelings with them, they may understand better and be able to offer you more effective support. If you would rather talk to someone you don't know you can talk to Samaritans in complete confidence on 08457 90 90 90 or you can email jo@samaritans.org.
The stress of being bullied at work can have a big effect on your mental health. Feeling depressed, stressed, paranoid or anxious as a reaction to difficult events like this is common. Also, a loss of sexual desire can be a sign of being depressed or anxious.
Although it may seem hard to share your feelings with your local doctor (GP), they are there to help and will be able to assess your situation properly. Often, talking to your GP is the first step towards finding help and they will be able to talk to you about any appropriate treatments, for example medication or talking therapies. If you'd rather explore the option of counselling independently you can search for free services on the Youth Access database or find local counsellors through the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP).
Leaving your job and making the decision to take legal action must have been tough for you, but there are organisations offering support and practical advice for people in this sort of situation. For example, Acas offers advice and information about bullying in the workplace. In addition, Bullying Online provides a great deal of information about the action you can take. The Equality and Human Rights Commission can also offer further information and sources of advice and support.
Finally it's really important you try to take some time to look after yourself and if you're worried about your mental health in any way you can contact SANEline on 0845 767 8000 for further help, support and advice.
Updated: 03/06/2011
Question answered by SANE
