Life's dragging me down
Question
Lately I've been feeling really run down and tearful. I'm going through a divorce, moving house and work is quite stressful as well. My doctor says I'm not depressed, but I don't know what I can do to make myself feel happy again, and improve my self-esteem. Even though I'm in a loving relationship at the moment, I feel insecure and keep doubting him and picking arguments for no reason. Please help me.
Answer
It sounds like there's a lot going on in your life at the moment, so it is understandable you're feeling run down. The issues you mention must be putting a lot of pressure on you.
Everyone can feel down from time to time, and people often use the words 'depressed' or 'unhappy' to describe their feelings. It's only when such feelings begin to take over someone's life for a long period of time that they may be considered to be experiencing clinical depression.
The symptoms you describe: feeling unhappy, tearful and insecure, can be symptoms of depression, but it may be worth discussing your concerns with your doctor (GP) in more detail, as it's impossible to diagnose without a proper consultation. They may be able to explore your situation further and suggest options of help and support. For example, counselling, to help you address your situation. You could also try contacting the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy if you wish to seek this form of support independently. By talking about how you feel, and identifying the issues that could be making you feel so unhappy, you may find yourself moving on from feeling the way you do.
Common traits of low self-esteem include feelings of worthlessness, lack of confidence and picking fights. You may like to spend some time considering the things you enjoy doing, and focus on activities that make you feel good and help you to relax, particularly given the stressful circumstances you are currently experiencing. You'll find some useful advice here on TheSite.org about how you can raise your self-esteem and there are lots of issues you can address to help improve your sense of emotional wellbeing at work.
Complementary medicines and therapies, such as reflexology and reiki, may also be worth considering as an option to help you relax and reduce stress.
Exercise has proven to be very effective in terms of improving mood. You may want to reflect on your diet, too, as the type of food we eat can also affect our mental wellbeing. The relationship between diet and emotional and mental health (or food and mood) is interesting - and is becoming more recognised. A balanced diet, including all the food groups and plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables keeps the body healthy, but can also be really important in keeping the mind balanced.
Feeling unhappy can be a very isolating experience, even if close friends and family are around. Talking to someone you know may help them understand you better, enabling them to support you more effectively. You say you keep doubting your partner and picking arguments with him for no apparent reason. Perhaps it would be worth talking to him about how you've been feeling, to help him gain a better insight into your situation.
Alternatively, sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you don't know. If you would like to speak to someone about how you've been feeling, Samaritans is available all day, every day, on 08457 90 90 90. Careline also offers emotional support, on 020 8514 1177.
Updated: 03/06/2011
Question answered by SANE
