Thin denial

My partner and I have been together for about 18 months. For all the time I've known him he seems to have problems eating - he claims that if he eats a large amount he'll be sick. For breakfast he'll have a bag of crisps and maybe a chocolate bar. His ribs stick out, but I try not to make a big fuss about this as hes very self-conscious about his image. I'm really worried because he's about 6ft tall and only weighs just under 10 stone.

I begged him to go to the doctors about three months ago, and when he finally went they made a blood test appointment for him, but he 'forgot' to attend it. His family aren't very supportive and don't seem to think there's a problem, but I'm still concerned. Am I just worrying over nothing?

It's understandable that you feel worried about your partner's eating habits. Feeling he may be sick after eating a large amount must leave both of you feeling quite helpless. The fact that his family isn't being very supportive must also be putting a lot of pressure on you in terms of addressing his eating habits.

Unfortunately, you can't force someone to eat if they don't want to. Sometimes it's difficult to know what to do to help, but simply being there to listen - without passing judgment - could encourage your partner to express his thoughts and feelings to you more easily. This could mean that you'd be able to develop a better understanding of his situation, and enable you to support him more effectively.

There's often a lot of pressure in society to look a certain way, and particularly to look slim. For some people who may be experiencing feelings of low self esteem and lack of confidence, the pressure can become overwhelming. They may find themselves developing complex issues surrounding their self-image and, in particular, their weight and eating habits.

Unhealthy relationships with food can also begin when food is used to cope with difficult feelings, such as boredom, anxiety, anger, loneliness, sadness or stress. Some people use food to ease such feelings without even realising it. When food begins to rule a person's life, a person's relationship with food can become dangerously unstable. This may develop into an eating disorder.

If your partner finds discussing his feelings helpful, he may benefit from certain methods of talking therapy, such as counselling. A trained counsellor or therapist will be able to assist him in identifying any underlying issues he may have that could be contributing to his situation, such as low self-esteem or depression.  You can find out about counselling services in your area by contacting your doctor (GP), who can explain the options available and make a referral onto more specialist services. If you find it hard to encourage your partner to visit his doctor again, perhaps you could offer to go with him, for extra support.

For further advice, you or your partner could also contact the Eating Disorders Association helpline on 0845 634 1414. It's website also includes a message board where you can share your experiences and get support from others in similar situations.

Updated: 04/12/2007

Question answered by SANE