Dismissing depression
Question
My best friend tells me everything. Recently he seems to have been presenting all the signs of depression but completely dismisses the idea if I suggest it. He says he's got no reason to be depressed but he's recently told me about the suicidal thoughts he's been having. He won't see or talk to anyone else about it. Is there anything I can do to help?
Answer
It's good to hear your friend trusts you enough to be honest about how he's feeling. Although he dismisses the idea, if it is depression he is experiencing, this can be very debilitating and isolating. And to be having suicidal thoughts must be particularly upsetting, so having you there to talk to must be a great relief for him.
If it is depression your friend is experiencing, there are a number of ways of treating it both with and without medication. His local doctor (GP) will be able to discuss the medical and talking treatment options available, such as antidepressants or cognitive behaviour therapy. Perhaps it would be worth offering to accompany him, as a means of extra support.
His GP should also be able to refer him onto an appropriate counselling service or you could try contacting Youth Access if he wished to seek this form of support independently. Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger about things, someone who can help explore thoughts and feelings in an honest, confidential and non-judgemental environment.
But if your friend is depressed the reason he might seem not to admit it could be because he feels uncomfortable discussing it with his GP or anyone he knows. Some people prefer to keep these things from those they are close to for fear of upsetting them; especially when it is something as difficult as suicidal thoughts.
Caring for your friend, as you indicate in your message, may make you feel quite helpless. For more information about how to help a friend who is feeling suicidal, you might like to visit the Befrienders International website.
It sounds like your friend might be feeling demotivated. If this is the case it could be worth trying to engage him in activities he once enjoyed or discuss what he would ideally like to do. Keeping busy and being active can help to divert the focus away from the depression so doing things together may well help. Again, reassuring him that you're there to assist him in achieving any activities or goals he may come up with could be enough to initiate some progress.
Unfortunately, there is only so much encouragement you can provide because, ultimately, your friend needs to recognise any underlying issues himself before he can embark on seeking any treatment. People do find talking with trusted friends and family about their feelings can help so maybe just being there for him whenever he needs you is the greatest help of all.
There are also many organisations and support groups that can also provide help. Depression Alliance provides advice and support to those affected by depression. Their website is full of useful information, publications and access to a national network of self help groups.
Or maybe he would prefer talking to someone he doesn't know on the phone. Your friend can talk, in confidence and without judgement, to SANELINE on 0845 767 8000. They are available to anyone experiencing a mental health issue so you might also like to consider calling SANELINE to talk through the situation and get more information and support for yourself.
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