Bereavement blame
Question
My Grandma died this week and I'm feeling really bad. I was with her until the end but I just keep thinking that I should have been able to do something to keep her here. We all miss her so much. She was so ill at the end and maybe we should have made different choices about how she was treated. Please help me, it feels like it's all my fault.
Answer
It's completely understandable you're feeling so bad following the death of your grandma. Dealing with the death of someone close to you is difficult, but please be reassured that the feelings and thoughts you are experiencing are not unusual. It's very common for people to spend time thinking about what they could have done differently and how things may have turned out differently; it's all part of the process of grieving.
It is hard to see someone you are close to struggling with an illness. Feelings of helplessness and wishing you could do more are natural. But it sounds as though you were trying to do your best for her until the end. There's really no need to feel as though you should have done anything differently.
It can sometimes help to talk about how you are feeling with someone close to you. Perhaps there is someone in your family, or a close friend, who you would feel comfortable talking to about how you are feeling. Talking about it can't bring her back, but it can help you to work through what you are feeling and start to feel yourself again.
Sometimes people feel more comfortable talking to someone they don't know about their feelings, if this is the case you can call Cruse Bereavement Care on 0808 808 1677. They provide support to people who've been affected by the death of someone they know.
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Question answered by SANE
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