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It's the festival facilities or a serious case of constipation. Find out what you're in for if you opt for the latter.

Health

Constipation crash course

Can't go or won't go? If you really can't face using the festival facilities, and plan to hold out until you get home, first be aware of the impact on your health and happiness.

What is it?

Constipation is a general term, with a number of different possible causes. If it kicks in at a festival then chances are it's down to your fear of using public Portaloos. Quite simply, if you resist the need to evacuate your bowels then things are going to get clogged.

What happens?

Once the stomach has extracted any vague hint of nutrients from the stodgy burgers you've been stuffing away in-between acts, the waste matter travels into the intestines and begins the long, slow journey south. It's then stored in the colon (the body's despatch bay). Here water is extracted from the final package before it gets shipped out in the shape of a shit (properly known as faecal residue). So if it's ready to roll and you're just not prepared to hover over a fetid pit from hell, then you're going to get a backlog, so to speak. And the longer you leave it, the more dry and compressed things become...

What are the risks?

Both the intestines and colon are tough yet flexible, and can stand a little extra volume from time to time. Even so, you may feel a little bloated, full or even uncomfortable, while the final delivery may prove to be sphincter-stretchingly painful. If this happens, there is also a small risk of an anal fissure occurring - a small split or tear just inside your bum. This should heal up without treatment, though it does mean the next few stool-passing sessions are liable to make you shriek and plead for mercy. If it's causing you agony, your chemist can supply a gel to prevent the tissues drying out, but see your GP if there's no relief after seven days.

What if I just can't go?

If you've resisted the urge, and that need slowly fades, your body may throw one huge strop and refuse to let you take a dump in your own time and place. Don't go straining away for hours on end, however, as you risk winding up with a case of piles. Instead, make sure you're drinking plenty of fluid (water), eating a diet high in fibre (bran, vegetables) and taking an adequate amount of exercise. You'll get there in the end, but if the problem persists, or causes stomach pains, you'd be wise to see your doctor.