Sex chat with Rachael from Brook
Rachael from Brook came along to answer your questions on sex; from oral and anal sex to first time worries, lack of sex drive and STIs.
JanieX: I used to be interested in sex and stuff but over the past year I don't feel anything and I just don't want it anymore. I don't know who to talk to about this and its getting harder all the time. I pick fights with my boyfriend coz it gets to me so much. Could it be the pill Im on?
Rachael: Hi there, yes, it could be the pill that youre on. The pill can definitely lower your sex drive, depending on which one youre on. It might be worth going back to the doctor that prescribed it to you and see if they can suggest another type of pill or another method of contraception.
Theyll be able to talk through your lack of sex drive and what might be causing it as there can be other reasons too. It would also be worth talking to your boyfriend if you can. Perhaps you can work on things like creating a romantic setting and experimenting with foreplay.
Issues in your relationship or other areas of your life might be affecting how you feel. Stress for example can have an effect on your desire. The SDA website has a good factsheet for women on lack of sex drive. It explains the possible causes and how you can manage them.
If you wanted to talk things through you could always call the Brook helpline, which is confidential, on 0808 802 1234.
GQ: Is it possible to inadvertently dislodge the coil? My woman and I have pretty vigorous sex. Perhaps Im being naive (and a bit male) to be concerned that I might end up dislodging it. She sometimes bleeds but she puts that down to her coil being pretty new and there's never any real pain.
Rachael: Hi GQ. Thats a really good question. Youll be pleased to know it's unlikely that the coil can be dislodged. It's not a naive question at all. It's worth pointing out that the coil sits in the uterus, not in the vagina.
If the coil is fairly new then that may explain the bleeding. Irregular bleeding with a new coil is not uncommon. Id advise your girlfriend to get regular check-ups as well to make sure that everything is as it should be. Vigorous sex shouldnt cause any problems though.
If the bleeding continues and you're at all worried then your girlfriend should make an appointment with her GP. If it's happening every time you have sex it might be worth getting checked out for any possible infections. However, it's likely she would have had some checks before the coil was fitted.
stanley ranch: Is it safe to have sex when a girl is on her period?
Rachael: Hi Stanley. It depends what you mean by 'safe'? A girl can certainly still get pregnant if she's on her period; but apart from that, it's absolutely fine to have sex during a period and many people do so. It's really up to you and how comfortable she might feel having sex whilst she's on her period.
Rachael: Was there anything else you wanted to know about it?
stanley ranch: I was just concerned about catching anything, it being unhygienic.
Rachael: You can still catch an STI for example so it's always best to use contraception such as condoms. As far as hygiene goes, you could put a towel down for example. Your local family planning or sexual health clinic can provide you with free condoms if you need them.
stanley ranch: I also had a similar question about anal sex and how safe and hygienic that is?
Rachael: When having anal sex the first thing to remember is to use some form of lubrication and take it slowly to start with, making sure you are both in a comfortable and relaxed situation. Its advisable to use a condom too and if you're worried about cleanliness or hygiene you may want to shower or bathe beforehand.
TheSite has two useful articles about anal play and lubrication that you might find useful.
stanley ranch: Thank you, Ill take a look at them.
Rachael: The more you can talk these things through with your partner the better. It can help you both to know what you both like and what feels comfortable.
curious mike: Is it an issue if you do not ejaculate the first few times you have sex?
Rachael: Hi curious mike, that's a good question, it's not unusual for this to happen the first few times. You might be feeling a bit anxious or stressed, or under pressure to perform.
Can I ask, do you have any problem ejaculating when you masturbate?
curious mike: No.
Rachael: In that case Id give it some time. It can take a while to get used to a new partner and feel totally at ease so it may well just be down to nerves or anxiety. Try not to worry about it too much or put too much pressure on yourself.
"In fact, ejaculation most often occurs within two minutes of penetration anyway which a lot of people don't realise."
Talking to your partner to take the pressure off might help too as well as taking things slowly with plenty of foreplay to get you both aroused.
stanley ranch: My friend said that you can catch an STI through oral sex. Is this true?
Rachael: In a word, yes. If the person you are giving oral sex too has an STI then it could be passed on to you. It's less common but it can happen. If youre giving oral sex to someone with an STI then it could transfer to your mouth and result in symptoms such as a sore throat or sores around the mouth. Infections are passed on mainly through sexual fluids and close contact.
curious mike: Are they curable?
Rachael: Most STIs are treatable yes, usually with a short course of antibiotics or a cream. If you're worried it's always best to get checked out by your doctor and of course using condoms can almost always keep you protected.
stanley ranch: Should I got to my doctor or the GUM clinic?
Rachael: Its entirely up to you. Some doctors test for STIs but not all of them. GUM clinics specialise in sexual health so whichever you feel more comfortable with.
murray: I started having sex with my girlfriend the other day, and I came within ten seconds. I didn't even feel it start to happen either, it just happened. I felt really bad and I'm worried it'll happen again. Will it? Can I do something to stop it happening again?
Rachael: Hi murray. Firstly, this is really quite common so try not to worry too much. In fact, ejaculation most often occurs within two minutes of penetration anyway which a lot of people don't realise. What youre experiencing is common in young men. Having sex with someone for the first time can also be quite nerve-wracking especially if you were worrying about your performance.
Rachael: If you find that it does happen again a few times then there is a technique called the stop-start technique that you could try. This can be done by yourself or with your girlfriend. Gradually start stimulation of the penis and then stop just as you think you're about to come. Then rest for about 30-60 seconds until the feeling you're going to ejaculate has gone away. Start stimulation again and repeat that a few times until you let yourself ejaculate. You will be able to get a bit more used to how it feels just before youre about to ejaculate so that youll be able to gain a bit more control.
murray: Thanks for your help.
HoldOn: I had sex with my boyfriend (who I lost my virginity to) ten times over a period of just under five months and it hurt every time. He said with his ex it had hurt for ages too but stopped around eight or nine times. Will it stop hurting soon? Is this normal? Most people say it only took a couple of times to stop hurting.
Rachael: Hi there HoldOn. It may be hurting if you're not totally relaxed or aroused enough, but try not to worry as this happens to a lot of women. You may want to try extending foreplay or using a lubricant to cut down on friction and make you more comfortable. Everyone is different so give it time and take it slowly; different girls will have different experiences.
If you've had unprotected sex in the past it may also be worth getting an STI test in case an infection is causing the discomfort.
HoldOn: We've always used a condom so it shouldn't be that. Thank you for the reassurance!
Rachael: It's good that you and your boyfriend are talking about it too. Good communication is key to feeling relaxed.
bigfran89: I was wondering if there is something wrong if I stay hard for hours during sex? I dont feel anything and I dont have a climax.
Rachael: Hello bigfran89. Do you have a problem during masturbation at all? Or is it just during sex?
bigfran89: Its just during sex but I dont masturbate.
Rachael: OK. Try having a look at www.sda.net. The website has some useful fact sheets on sexual dysfunction that might help you figure out whats causing the problem.
It could be a medical issue or it could just be down to nerves or anxiety about sex. If it's happening regularly it would be worth making an appointment with your GP to talk it through and get checked over.
It's not uncommon for men to have problems with ejaculation; its about finding what works for you to get over the issue. I hope that helps to answer your question?
bigfran89: Yes it has. Thanks.
Rachael: Great, thanks for all your questions everyone.
Sex chat with Rachael from Brook
Rachael from Brook came along to answer your questions on sex; from oral and anal sex to first time worries, lack of sex drive and STIs.
JanieX: I used to be interested in sex and stuff but over the past year I don't feel anything and I just don't want it anymore. I don't know who to talk to about this and its getting harder all the time. I pick fights with my boyfriend coz it gets to me so much. Could it be the pill Im on?
Rachael: Hi there, yes, it could be the pill that youre on. The pill can definitely lower your sex drive, depending on which one youre on. It might be worth going back to the doctor that prescribed it to you and see if they can suggest another type of pill or another method of contraception.
Theyll be able to talk through your lack of sex drive and what might be causing it as there can be other reasons too. It would also be worth talking to your boyfriend if you can. Perhaps you can work on things like creating a romantic setting and experimenting with foreplay.
Issues in your relationship or other areas of your life might be affecting how you feel. Stress for example can have an effect on your desire. The SDA website has a good factsheet for women on lack of sex drive. It explains the possible causes and how you can manage them.
If you wanted to talk things through you could always call the Brook helpline, which is confidential, on 0808 802 1234.
GQ: Is it possible to inadvertently dislodge the coil? My woman and I have pretty vigorous sex. Perhaps Im being naive (and a bit male) to be concerned that I might end up dislodging it. She sometimes bleeds but she puts that down to her coil being pretty new and there's never any real pain.
Rachael: Hi GQ. Thats a really good question. Youll be pleased to know it's unlikely that the coil can be dislodged. It's not a naive question at all. It's worth pointing out that the coil sits in the uterus, not in the vagina.
If the coil is fairly new then that may explain the bleeding. Irregular bleeding with a new coil is not uncommon. Id advise your girlfriend to get regular check-ups as well to make sure that everything is as it should be. Vigorous sex shouldnt cause any problems though.
If the bleeding continues and you're at all worried then your girlfriend should make an appointment with her GP. If it's happening every time you have sex it might be worth getting checked out for any possible infections. However, it's likely she would have had some checks before the coil was fitted.
stanley ranch: Is it safe to have sex when a girl is on her period?
Rachael: Hi Stanley. It depends what you mean by 'safe'? A girl can certainly still get pregnant if she's on her period; but apart from that, it's absolutely fine to have sex during a period and many people do so. It's really up to you and how comfortable she might feel having sex whilst she's on her period.
Rachael: Was there anything else you wanted to know about it?
stanley ranch: I was just concerned about catching anything, it being unhygienic.
Rachael: You can still catch an STI for example so it's always best to use contraception such as condoms. As far as hygiene goes, you could put a towel down for example. Your local family planning or sexual health clinic can provide you with free condoms if you need them.
stanley ranch: I also had a similar question about anal sex and how safe and hygienic that is?
Rachael: When having anal sex the first thing to remember is to use some form of lubrication and take it slowly to start with, making sure you are both in a comfortable and relaxed situation. Its advisable to use a condom too and if you're worried about cleanliness or hygiene you may want to shower or bathe beforehand.
TheSite has two useful articles about anal play and lubrication that you might find useful.
stanley ranch: Thank you, Ill take a look at them.
Rachael: The more you can talk these things through with your partner the better. It can help you both to know what you both like and what feels comfortable.
curious mike: Is it an issue if you do not ejaculate the first few times you have sex?
Rachael: Hi curious mike, that's a good question, it's not unusual for this to happen the first few times. You might be feeling a bit anxious or stressed, or under pressure to perform.
Can I ask, do you have any problem ejaculating when you masturbate?
curious mike: No.
Rachael: In that case Id give it some time. It can take a while to get used to a new partner and feel totally at ease so it may well just be down to nerves or anxiety. Try not to worry about it too much or put too much pressure on yourself.
Talking to your partner to take the pressure off might help too as well as taking things slowly with plenty of foreplay to get you both aroused.
stanley ranch: My friend said that you can catch an STI through oral sex. Is this true?
Rachael: In a word, yes. If the person you are giving oral sex too has an STI then it could be passed on to you. It's less common but it can happen. If youre giving oral sex to someone with an STI then it could transfer to your mouth and result in symptoms such as a sore throat or sores around the mouth. Infections are passed on mainly through sexual fluids and close contact.
curious mike: Are they curable?
Rachael: Most STIs are treatable yes, usually with a short course of antibiotics or a cream. If you're worried it's always best to get checked out by your doctor and of course using condoms can almost always keep you protected.
stanley ranch: Should I got to my doctor or the GUM clinic?
Rachael: Its entirely up to you. Some doctors test for STIs but not all of them. GUM clinics specialise in sexual health so whichever you feel more comfortable with.
murray: I started having sex with my girlfriend the other day, and I came within ten seconds. I didn't even feel it start to happen either, it just happened. I felt really bad and I'm worried it'll happen again. Will it? Can I do something to stop it happening again?
Rachael: Hi murray. Firstly, this is really quite common so try not to worry too much. In fact, ejaculation most often occurs within two minutes of penetration anyway which a lot of people don't realise. What youre experiencing is common in young men. Having sex with someone for the first time can also be quite nerve-wracking especially if you were worrying about your performance.
Rachael: If you find that it does happen again a few times then there is a technique called the stop-start technique that you could try. This can be done by yourself or with your girlfriend. Gradually start stimulation of the penis and then stop just as you think you're about to come. Then rest for about 30-60 seconds until the feeling you're going to ejaculate has gone away. Start stimulation again and repeat that a few times until you let yourself ejaculate. You will be able to get a bit more used to how it feels just before youre about to ejaculate so that youll be able to gain a bit more control.
murray: Thanks for your help.
HoldOn: I had sex with my boyfriend (who I lost my virginity to) ten times over a period of just under five months and it hurt every time. He said with his ex it had hurt for ages too but stopped around eight or nine times. Will it stop hurting soon? Is this normal? Most people say it only took a couple of times to stop hurting.
Rachael: Hi there HoldOn. It may be hurting if you're not totally relaxed or aroused enough, but try not to worry as this happens to a lot of women. You may want to try extending foreplay or using a lubricant to cut down on friction and make you more comfortable. Everyone is different so give it time and take it slowly; different girls will have different experiences.
If you've had unprotected sex in the past it may also be worth getting an STI test in case an infection is causing the discomfort.
HoldOn: We've always used a condom so it shouldn't be that. Thank you for the reassurance!
Rachael: It's good that you and your boyfriend are talking about it too. Good communication is key to feeling relaxed.
bigfran89: I was wondering if there is something wrong if I stay hard for hours during sex? I dont feel anything and I dont have a climax.
Rachael: Hello bigfran89. Do you have a problem during masturbation at all? Or is it just during sex?
bigfran89: Its just during sex but I dont masturbate.
Rachael: OK. Try having a look at www.sda.net. The website has some useful fact sheets on sexual dysfunction that might help you figure out whats causing the problem.
It could be a medical issue or it could just be down to nerves or anxiety about sex. If it's happening regularly it would be worth making an appointment with your GP to talk it through and get checked over.
It's not uncommon for men to have problems with ejaculation; its about finding what works for you to get over the issue. I hope that helps to answer your question?
bigfran89: Yes it has. Thanks.
Rachael: Great, thanks for all your questions everyone.