Mental health chat with Karina 42nd Street
Karina supports young people dealing with stress at 42nd Street and also answers question on askTheSite. She dropped by to offer advice about mental health issues including self-harm, depression and eating disorders.
Karina: Hello, feel free to start asking questions.
madysmummy: My husband self-harms and I'm after some advice on how I can support him. I think he's dealing with depression and I'm finding it hard to know what to do.
Karina: Hi there madysmummy, thanks for your question. It sounds like you're going through a difficult time trying to support your husband, but well done for asking for advice.
madysmummy: Yes, very much so, I'm finding it hard to cope with it. It seems whatever I try I seem to do the wrong thing.
Karina: When people self-harm it's often because they have personal issues and so maybe you could find out what those might be. Sometimes seeking support can be very difficult because of the myths and stigma that surround self-harm, but I wonder if you could contact your GP to get some support for him, maybe counselling support? But before you take that step, make sure you don't pressure your husband to tell you what's going on. You could ask gentle probing questions, giving him the space to talk. You might feel like talking to him is too difficult because you're so close so it might be that he needs to talk to someone else.
madysmummy: I know what the issues are as he had an affair and he's finding it hard to cope. He's been to the GP and we go to counselling, but he gets so angry and starts destroying stuff in the house.
Karina: I see. Well done for getting this far with the counselling support.
madysmummy: We talk a lot. I found out he used to self-harm when he was a teenager. I'm going to the counsellor on my own this week because I'm finding it hard to know what to do. I find I'm just reacting to him rather than anything else. I know things are hard because he still works with her. He thinks his life isn't worth living.
Karina: Yes, it's really important that you do keep getting support for yourself when dealing with this. It sounds like self-harm is a coping mechanism for him to deal with his guilt around the affair and sometimes it can be difficult for people to let go of coping mechanisms during difficult times like this. The important thing is to concentrate on why he's doing it, rather than the actual self-harm.
madysmummy: I've been trying to find information of support groups for those living with people who self-harm and are depressed.
Karina: You may find the National Self Harm Network a useful starting point. There's also support groups listed in TheSite.org's resource section. I hope this helps.
madysmummy: Thanks, I'll take a look.
Sparky_star: Will the feelings of wanting to self-harm when times are tough or I'm upset ever stop or go away, even though I don't do it now and haven't for about five years?
Karina: Hi sparky, thanks for your question. Well done for managing to find other ways of coping for the last five years as that takes a lot of strength, especially when dealing with painful things that occur in life. Because people who self-harm are often dealing with complex emotional issues it's quite hard to say 'yes' those feelings will go away. It's about taking each day at a time and focusing on what you've achieved. Some people say that the urge to self-harm does calm down, so over time feelings to do it become less and less apparent and it's easier to deal with each time. But we can't say those feelings will go forever, so it's important to focus on the distractions, coping strategies and techniques that have worked in the past
Sparky_star: Yeah I guess that's why I don't do it now, it's just I feel guilty when I think about doing it, even though I don't do it.
Karina: Well keep going, stay positive and focus on your achievements and remember you're never alone. Does that help?
Sparky_star: Yes it does, thank you. It makes me realise that it's OK, thanks!
Cool2play22: I self-harm and I really need some help because I really don't want it to get any worse. What do you think I could do instead? I already see people but they don't seem to help. Also is an eating disorder classed as a mental health issue?
Karina: Hi Cool2play22, thanks for your question. It's great you've recognised that talking to people is one of the first steps to your recovery for self-harming. Sometimes it can be hard talking to close friends and family about a painful issue like self-harm and that can be because of the myths and stigma that surround it.
Cool2play22: Yeah, but my self-harm seems to be getting worse and friends and family never seem to understand.
Karina: Distraction techniques can be helpful but won't cure the roots of any emotional distress. Some people say that alternative therapies can help, hitting pillows, having a good scream, or rubbing ice on your skin, but everyone has to find their own ways and techniques that work for them. You might find some of the distractions on TheSite.org's factsheet helpful. It's important to focus on the reasons why, such as things from the past and triggers and then take small steps to overcome them - this can include writing a diary. Also it's important not to give up on talking to people as different people respond in different ways.
Cool2play22: yeah. That's what my CBT therapist says. And what about eating disorders?
Karina: Eating disorders are classed as self-harming behavior.
Cool2play22: I just don't feel like I am getting anywhere. I just want it to be back to normal and every time I get somewhere I go back a million spaces.
Karina: It's great that you have a CBT therapist. Do you feel like you're dealing with the emotional issues with them?
Cool2play22: Well not really.
"It's really hard to share things that are so personal and sometimes people can judge us if they don't quite understand, but that shouldn't stop us seeking support."
Karina: It's important that you find the right kind of support for you - your therapist won't be offended if you tell them it's not working for you and you need to find another source of support.
Cool2play22: Me and my Mum did and they didn't really take any notice and that was like two months ago.
Karina: There's an understanding eating disorders organisation that you might find helpful called Beat. You can call the helpline on 0845 634 7650 and an advisor will be able to suggest further sources of support.
Cool2play22: I will give them a go, thanks for all your help.
issie_bee: I've been self-harming for about a year and I really want to stop. I want to tell a teacher but I'm scared. Will I have to tell my Mum or can I tell her in complete confidence?
Karina: Hi issie_bee - can I just ask how old are you?
issie_bee: 16
Karina: Thanks, it's great you've had the courage to ask your question and it's great you want to talk to someone. Because of your age, legally you're considered an adult, but it will depend on the school's policy on confidentiality. So, you could request to know what that is before you disclose anything. Parents don't have an automatic right to know what is said between you and your teacher, but in some schools parents are allowed to access notes on the school records, so it's important to check what the policy is. Also, teachers can't keep total confidentiality and the teacher would have to share it, maybe with the school nurse or head teacher, but again it would depend on the policy.
issie_bee: She is a trained counsellor, which is mainly why I see her, but I'm so scared that the school is going to judge me.
Karina: It's really hard to share things that are so personal and sometimes people can judge us if they don't quite understand, but that shouldn't stop us seeking support. Also, research has shown that One in 15 people have self-harmed, so you may well find there's more understanding that you'd expect. Does that help?
issie_bee: I guess. I think the thing that scares me the most is how to actually tell her. There have been so many times I have wanted to but I keep freezing up.
Karina: It's important that you find a quiet time and a quiet space to talk when you won't be distracted and make it clear it's something important, that way you can make sure you have enough time. You could possibly book an appointment rather than just grabbing her in the corridor. It is really difficult to share these kinds of things with people, but as this teacher is trained in counselling she may well be familiar with your feelings. You could also write everything in a letter and then sit with her while she reads it.
Clare: Does that sound like something you could try to do issie_bee?
issie_bee: Yes, thank you.
Karina: Good luck, and don't forget to check the confidentiality policy so you know where you stand.
issie_bee: OK.
issie_bee: Last year my friend killed herself and I felt suicidal because of this. How can I stop this happening again? I talk to a teacher (the one who I might talk about self-harming to) but I am so scared.
Karina: We're really sorry to hear about the loss of your friend and it sounds like you've been through a really tough time over the last year. This is really one of the most difficult things you could ever have to deal with and it's not unusual to feel suicidal after something like this has happened to a friend. The positive thing is you've been able to talk to a teacher and get support. I understand that you're scared, but perhaps if you feel like this again you can try and remember what kept you going the first time round and think about what techniques you used to keep going. You can also give the Samaritans a call on 08457 90 90 90 who will be there to listen day or night and provide reassurance. The main thing to remember is that you shouldn't feel like you ever have to cope on your own as there are people to offer support.
Clare: Remember you can always ask a longer question on askTheSite.
issie_bee: OK, thanks.
purplestarfish: What does 42nd Street do to help young people?
Karina: Hi purplestarfish, we're a mental health project in Manchester for 14-25 year-olds helping them to deal with any stress they might have related to issues such as bullying through to depression. We offer one-to-one support, counselling, therapy, informal support such as going out with a young person for a chat or helping them with problems in school. We also offer group work, such as young men and young women's groups which are led by what the young people want.
purplestarfish: Sounds good, I realise that often it's hard to help young people due to the issue of confidentiality at times, especially with self-harm.
Karina: Cheers. As far as possible we stick to young people's rights to confidentiality - and we have our own policy if we feel a young person's not safe.
purplestarfish: I think young people's mental health services need improving... and it sounds like a 42nd Street all over the country would help towards that.
Karina: Thanks, that would be a wonderful dream for us too. Just to let everyone know, 42nd Street answers the self-harm questions on askTheSite too - and can give you more comprehensive support in that medium. Thanks for all the questions everyone.
Clare: Thanks guys, that's been a really informative session.
Mental health chat with Karina 42nd Street
Karina supports young people dealing with stress at 42nd Street and also answers question on askTheSite. She dropped by to offer advice about mental health issues including self-harm, depression and eating disorders.
Karina: Hello, feel free to start asking questions.
madysmummy: My husband self-harms and I'm after some advice on how I can support him. I think he's dealing with depression and I'm finding it hard to know what to do.
Karina: Hi there madysmummy, thanks for your question. It sounds like you're going through a difficult time trying to support your husband, but well done for asking for advice.
madysmummy: Yes, very much so, I'm finding it hard to cope with it. It seems whatever I try I seem to do the wrong thing.
Karina: When people self-harm it's often because they have personal issues and so maybe you could find out what those might be. Sometimes seeking support can be very difficult because of the myths and stigma that surround self-harm, but I wonder if you could contact your GP to get some support for him, maybe counselling support? But before you take that step, make sure you don't pressure your husband to tell you what's going on. You could ask gentle probing questions, giving him the space to talk. You might feel like talking to him is too difficult because you're so close so it might be that he needs to talk to someone else.
madysmummy: I know what the issues are as he had an affair and he's finding it hard to cope. He's been to the GP and we go to counselling, but he gets so angry and starts destroying stuff in the house.
Karina: I see. Well done for getting this far with the counselling support.
madysmummy: We talk a lot. I found out he used to self-harm when he was a teenager. I'm going to the counsellor on my own this week because I'm finding it hard to know what to do. I find I'm just reacting to him rather than anything else. I know things are hard because he still works with her. He thinks his life isn't worth living.
Karina: Yes, it's really important that you do keep getting support for yourself when dealing with this. It sounds like self-harm is a coping mechanism for him to deal with his guilt around the affair and sometimes it can be difficult for people to let go of coping mechanisms during difficult times like this. The important thing is to concentrate on why he's doing it, rather than the actual self-harm.
madysmummy: I've been trying to find information of support groups for those living with people who self-harm and are depressed.
Karina: You may find the National Self Harm Network a useful starting point. There's also support groups listed in TheSite.org's resource section. I hope this helps.
madysmummy: Thanks, I'll take a look.
Sparky_star: Will the feelings of wanting to self-harm when times are tough or I'm upset ever stop or go away, even though I don't do it now and haven't for about five years?
Karina: Hi sparky, thanks for your question. Well done for managing to find other ways of coping for the last five years as that takes a lot of strength, especially when dealing with painful things that occur in life. Because people who self-harm are often dealing with complex emotional issues it's quite hard to say 'yes' those feelings will go away. It's about taking each day at a time and focusing on what you've achieved. Some people say that the urge to self-harm does calm down, so over time feelings to do it become less and less apparent and it's easier to deal with each time. But we can't say those feelings will go forever, so it's important to focus on the distractions, coping strategies and techniques that have worked in the past
Sparky_star: Yeah I guess that's why I don't do it now, it's just I feel guilty when I think about doing it, even though I don't do it.
Karina: Well keep going, stay positive and focus on your achievements and remember you're never alone. Does that help?
Sparky_star: Yes it does, thank you. It makes me realise that it's OK, thanks!
Cool2play22: I self-harm and I really need some help because I really don't want it to get any worse. What do you think I could do instead? I already see people but they don't seem to help. Also is an eating disorder classed as a mental health issue?
Karina: Hi Cool2play22, thanks for your question. It's great you've recognised that talking to people is one of the first steps to your recovery for self-harming. Sometimes it can be hard talking to close friends and family about a painful issue like self-harm and that can be because of the myths and stigma that surround it.
Cool2play22: Yeah, but my self-harm seems to be getting worse and friends and family never seem to understand.
Karina: Distraction techniques can be helpful but won't cure the roots of any emotional distress. Some people say that alternative therapies can help, hitting pillows, having a good scream, or rubbing ice on your skin, but everyone has to find their own ways and techniques that work for them. You might find some of the distractions on TheSite.org's factsheet helpful. It's important to focus on the reasons why, such as things from the past and triggers and then take small steps to overcome them - this can include writing a diary. Also it's important not to give up on talking to people as different people respond in different ways.
Cool2play22: yeah. That's what my CBT therapist says. And what about eating disorders?
Karina: Eating disorders are classed as self-harming behavior.
Cool2play22: I just don't feel like I am getting anywhere. I just want it to be back to normal and every time I get somewhere I go back a million spaces.
Karina: It's great that you have a CBT therapist. Do you feel like you're dealing with the emotional issues with them?
Cool2play22: Well not really.
Karina: It's important that you find the right kind of support for you - your therapist won't be offended if you tell them it's not working for you and you need to find another source of support.
Cool2play22: Me and my Mum did and they didn't really take any notice and that was like two months ago.
Karina: There's an understanding eating disorders organisation that you might find helpful called Beat. You can call the helpline on 0845 634 7650 and an advisor will be able to suggest further sources of support.
Cool2play22: I will give them a go, thanks for all your help.
issie_bee: I've been self-harming for about a year and I really want to stop. I want to tell a teacher but I'm scared. Will I have to tell my Mum or can I tell her in complete confidence?
Karina: Hi issie_bee - can I just ask how old are you?
issie_bee: 16
Karina: Thanks, it's great you've had the courage to ask your question and it's great you want to talk to someone. Because of your age, legally you're considered an adult, but it will depend on the school's policy on confidentiality. So, you could request to know what that is before you disclose anything. Parents don't have an automatic right to know what is said between you and your teacher, but in some schools parents are allowed to access notes on the school records, so it's important to check what the policy is. Also, teachers can't keep total confidentiality and the teacher would have to share it, maybe with the school nurse or head teacher, but again it would depend on the policy.
issie_bee: She is a trained counsellor, which is mainly why I see her, but I'm so scared that the school is going to judge me.
Karina: It's really hard to share things that are so personal and sometimes people can judge us if they don't quite understand, but that shouldn't stop us seeking support. Also, research has shown that One in 15 people have self-harmed, so you may well find there's more understanding that you'd expect. Does that help?
issie_bee: I guess. I think the thing that scares me the most is how to actually tell her. There have been so many times I have wanted to but I keep freezing up.
Karina: It's important that you find a quiet time and a quiet space to talk when you won't be distracted and make it clear it's something important, that way you can make sure you have enough time. You could possibly book an appointment rather than just grabbing her in the corridor. It is really difficult to share these kinds of things with people, but as this teacher is trained in counselling she may well be familiar with your feelings. You could also write everything in a letter and then sit with her while she reads it.
Clare: Does that sound like something you could try to do issie_bee?
issie_bee: Yes, thank you.
Karina: Good luck, and don't forget to check the confidentiality policy so you know where you stand.
issie_bee: OK.
issie_bee: Last year my friend killed herself and I felt suicidal because of this. How can I stop this happening again? I talk to a teacher (the one who I might talk about self-harming to) but I am so scared.
Karina: We're really sorry to hear about the loss of your friend and it sounds like you've been through a really tough time over the last year. This is really one of the most difficult things you could ever have to deal with and it's not unusual to feel suicidal after something like this has happened to a friend. The positive thing is you've been able to talk to a teacher and get support. I understand that you're scared, but perhaps if you feel like this again you can try and remember what kept you going the first time round and think about what techniques you used to keep going. You can also give the Samaritans a call on 08457 90 90 90 who will be there to listen day or night and provide reassurance. The main thing to remember is that you shouldn't feel like you ever have to cope on your own as there are people to offer support.
Clare: Remember you can always ask a longer question on askTheSite.
issie_bee: OK, thanks.
purplestarfish: What does 42nd Street do to help young people?
Karina: Hi purplestarfish, we're a mental health project in Manchester for 14-25 year-olds helping them to deal with any stress they might have related to issues such as bullying through to depression. We offer one-to-one support, counselling, therapy, informal support such as going out with a young person for a chat or helping them with problems in school. We also offer group work, such as young men and young women's groups which are led by what the young people want.
purplestarfish: Sounds good, I realise that often it's hard to help young people due to the issue of confidentiality at times, especially with self-harm.
Karina: Cheers. As far as possible we stick to young people's rights to confidentiality - and we have our own policy if we feel a young person's not safe.
purplestarfish: I think young people's mental health services need improving... and it sounds like a 42nd Street all over the country would help towards that.
Karina: Thanks, that would be a wonderful dream for us too. Just to let everyone know, 42nd Street answers the self-harm questions on askTheSite too - and can give you more comprehensive support in that medium. Thanks for all the questions everyone.
Clare: Thanks guys, that's been a really informative session.