- Building better relationships
- Relationship troubles
- Job hunting and interview tips
- Exploring sexuality
- Volunteering to get a job
- Let's talk about sex
- What makes you employable?
- Self harm - with Karina from 42nd Sreet
- Eating disorders - part two
- Fitness chat
- Sex chat
- Eating disorders
- Self harm - with Karina from 42nd Sreet
- Money and your relationships
- Money chat
- Relationships - with Matt Wyman
- Sexual Health
- Self harm - with Karina from 42nd Street
- Relationships - with JenR & Fostress
- Q & A with Larry Lamb
- UK Referendum debate
- Q & A with Foreign Beggars
- Problem skin - with Alison Bowser
- Self-harm - with Karina from 42nd Street
- Drugs - with Ruth from Drugscope
- General health - with Dr Hopcroft - Part 3
- Relationships - with Jenna from askTheSite
- Drugs - with Ruth from DrugScope
- Relationships chat with Rita & Dimitra
- Live debate: Drunk and in danger?
- Live chat with Derek Wyatt MP
- Self-harm chat with Karina & Hannes
- Relationships chat with Jenna & Amelia
- Live chat with author Saci Lloyd
- Health chat with Gemma Newman
- Relationships chat with Rita & Clare
- Drugs chat with Andy from Drugscope
- Sex chat with Rachael from Brook
- Relationships chat with Amelia & Freya
- Self-harm chat with Hannes 42nd Street
- Money chat with Elinor Quinn
- Relationships chat with Dan & Claire
- Live Chat with Trevor Phillips
- Relationships chat with peer advisors
- Mental health chat with Karina 42nd Street
- Money chat with Pete Eldridge
- Student advice chat with Suzy Tobias
- Mental health chat with Frances McCann
- Relationships chat with peer advisors
- More Chat Archive
Sue from Lancashire NHS returns to answer your questions about sex. We find out about masturbation, the coil, how to beat peer pressure, the pill and more...
Sue: Hi folks, I'm your sexpert this evening. Go ahead and ask a question about anything to do with sex or sexual health :)
heather: How long does it take to get pregnant, for the egg to start to become a baby?
Sue: Hi heather, thanks for your question. Once you're pregnant it's not until 10 weeks that the embryo becomes a foetus.
L0U1S3: So the embryo is under 10 weeks? And a foetus starts to look like a baby and is just developing is that right Sue?
Sue: Thanks Louise. More or less, yes, that's right. There are different stages in development during pregnancy. It's really important to understand how your body works.
L0U1S3: Yeah, I remembered that from when I used to do GCSE child development Sue :)
heather: How long is it before you start to feel sick?
Sue: Everybody is different when it comes to morning sickness heather.
L0U1S3: My mum had morning sickness more with the boys than the girls.
Sue: There are a lot of myths about the difference between girls and boys but it really just depends on the individual, there's no way of knowing for sure if you'll suffer from morning sickness.
**Helen** - TheSite mod: Heather, you might like to take a look at the NHS Live Well website. It has lots of information about foetus development in the first few weeks of pregnancy. I hope you find it useful. We're going to move on to LOU1S3's question now.
L0U1S3: Why do people make you feel ashamed for not having sex? Personally I haven't yet due to the fact I've not had one decent relationship but I've had lots of peer pressure about it.
Sue: Hi LOU1S3. Firstly, it sounds like you're talking to the wrong people ;) I'd try not to listen to them if you can, a lot of young people will say they have had sex when they haven't.
L0U1S3: I'm almost 18 and I used to get teased and laughed at about it. Now I just keep that stuff to myself. People used to be really nasty about it.
Sue: The longer you wait to have sex the more likely it is to be a positive and enjoyable experience; it should be in your own time when you feel ready.
L0U1S3: I don't want to grow up too fast and one thing that results from sex is babies. Even with protection there are still the risks and I just don't want to risk it just yet.
Sue: Hang in there Lou, when the time is right you'll know.
**Helen** - TheSite mod: Sounds like you've got a really mature and well considered view on this Louise.
L0U1S3: Thank you Helen :)
Sue: It's worth remembering as well that sex isn't just about penetration. It can also be about being intimate in other ways and about showing respect between two people.
L0U1S3: I wish people would see it that way Sue.
Sue: Try not to let their comments get to you. There are a lot of people out there like yourself and you shouldn't feel pressured to lose your virginity. Why not hold out for great sex with someone you really care about rather than crappy sex to get it out of the way?
L0U1S3: I'll keep that in mind Sue, that's a very good point :)
Sue: I hope that helps, we're going to move on to the next question now.
L0U1S3: Thank you Sue :D
Syrup: I'm having pain when I try to have sex. It's hard to describe but it doesn't really go away during sex.
Sue: Hey Syrup. Is it ok if I ask you a couple of questions first? Are you in a long term relationship with one particular person?
Syrup: Yes, it's the same person. In fact it's the only person I've ever had sex with.
Sue: Ok, and can I ask how long you have been having sex and experiencing pain?
Syrup: Quite a while now, so we don't really have it anymore.
Sue: Do you feel you're aroused enough to have penetrative sex?
Syrup: Yes, when we take a while about it it's less painful but still not right.
Sue: There is a process of arousal for the female body to get ready for sex, firstly with lubrication and then the vagina actually changes shape during arousal. Have you tried using lube or different positions? Sometimes being on top is less painful and you can have more control.
Syrup: Yes. Nothing feels good though. I've been checked for Bacterial Vaginosis and that came back clear.
**Helen** - TheSite mod: Hey Syrup, how familiar are you with TheSite? Have you seen our article on painful sex?
Syrup: No, not seen that Helen, but I assume it says to see a doctor (already done that), and general tips which I probably will have tried. I do have adhesions so it could be to do with that.
Fiend_85: Can I ask if you enjoy non-penetrative sexual activity?
Syrup: Yes, if I know I don't have to have full sex.
Sue: It's great that you've gone to get checked out Syrup. It could be to do with your adhesions so it would be worth asking for a referral to a gynaecologist. It might also be worth getting a full STI screening as well to rule that out.
Syrup: Right ok, thanks :)
**Helen** - TheSite Mod: I think Fiend may have been wondering more about the emotional side of things Syrup, but if you're enjoying foreplay then that's quite likely all ok.
Fiend_85: Yeah, is it possible that stress is a factor?
"Why not hold out for great sex with someone you really care about rather than crappy sex to get it out of the way."
Syrup: Probably. I have mental health issues. So relaxing isn't something I do! Lol.
Sue: Are you able to talk to your partner about it Syrup? Having their support should help to put you at ease, perhaps there are things they can do to make it more comfortable for you.
Fiend_85: If you do all the other stuff, and leave the smooshing of privates together alone for a bit, that might help.
Syrup: Long term though it's something I really want to sort out because I do want to enjoy it.
Sue: Of course. Sex can actually be good for your mental health but being relaxed is key. Can I ask what support you're getting if any?
Syrup: I get support from my GP and I'm also on medication.
Megan: If you aren't relaxed when you have sex then it can cause pain. I know doctors can give you these sort of tubes that you can use that start off small and slowly get larger. It means you can become used to having something inside you without any pain. It helps you to feel more relaxed. I hope that made sense!
**Helen** - TheSite Mod: That totally makes sense Megan - thanks for sharing :)
Syrup: I've been around the block a bit with various counselling treatments and yeah I've tried those cones Megan. I found they hurt too so I can't be bothered with those either.
Sue: Fiend has a good point about the stress factor, penetration isn't everything but I can also understand your desire to want to enjoy sex. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Mutual masturbation could be a good thing to try.
Syrup: Thanks :)
Sue: You could maybe take a step back from penetrative sex for a while and have fun in other ways. In the mean time have a think about asking for that referral.
MissRiot: Mindfulness is helpful for relaxing too.
L0U1S3: What is masturbation? It's probably a silly question but it's one thing I don't know. I'm too scared to ask in case I get laughed at.
Fiend_85: Masturbation is the fiddling with your own bits in a way that feels awesome.
**Helen** - TheSite Mod: Check this link out LOU1S3. It tells you all about masturbation.
Sue: Thanks for the links. Nothing to be embarrassed about asking here, no such thing as a silly question!
heather: What's a coil?
Sue: Good question heather. The coil is a method of contraception that's called an intrauterine device. Some have got a hormone in them and some are non-hormonal.
heather: Where do you insert it?
Sue: It's inserted through the vagina into the uterus (womb).
**Helen** - TheSiteMod: Here's an article from TheSite.org called The Coil unravelled which explains further.
L0U1S3: You can go on the pill if you're not sexually active right? I would like to go on the pill to help with my hormones.
Sue: That's right, you can go on the pill even if you're not sexually active. There's a variety of different types of pill, usually one to suit everybody - some can help to settle hormonal imbalances.
L0U1S3: I was advised by my old counsellor to go on the pill to help me with my hormones as she believed some of my depression is hormonal. I also think the pill would regulate my periods, they're so irregular it's unreal.
Sue: It's certainly worth a try Lou and the pill is great for regulating periods. I think we're going to have to move on to the next question now as we've only a few minutes left. If you go to your local contraceptive clinic you can always have a chat about what might be best for you.
L0U1S3: OK, I will try that Sue.
Sue: Great :)
Miss Riot: How do I talk to a new partner about pain and flashbacks I might get during sex? I've already seen a specialist about it, and they've said its pretty much all in my head and there's nothing they can do. It's something pretty difficult to talk about to a new partner, especially when they ask why I get the flashbacks.
Sue: Thanks for your question Miss Riot. I'm sorry to hear the specialist wasn't helpful and it's understandable that it's not an easy thing to talk about. It sounds as though you should ask for a second opinion here - or ask for a referral to a psychosexual counsellor. It would also be worth avoiding penetrative sex until that process is under way and until you feel more at ease in bringing this up with your new partner.
MissRiot: Yeah, I've done that and they've just said that there's a very long waiting list and I'm on the waiting list for psychotherapy anyway so they haven't done anything. I was with someone for six months before it felt easy to tell them, it could really mess up a relationship.
Sue: I see. What is it that worries you most about talking about it with your new partner?
MissRiot: Them feeling like I'm damaged goods because I have been abused.
Sue: That's understandable Miss Riot, remember you're still perfect despite what happened to you in the past :) Given that it's early days the key is that you feel comfortable talking about what's happened. I hope that you manage to get the counselling you're waiting for soon.
Miss Riot: I've been waiting for over 6 months so I'm not counting on it right now.
Sue: You'll know when it feels right to talk. I hope that's been of some help Miss Riot, I'm afraid we're out of time now. Lots of luck to you both.
MissRiot: Thanks Sue.
wavy: Just one last general question - are there any dangers in having sex in water?
**Helen** - TheSite mod: Wavy, not sure we've got time for your question about sex in water I'm afraid but check out this article from the askTheSite archive.
wavy: Thank you Helen, was just always something I wanted to know about in general, that's all.
**Helen** - TheSite mod: Cheers Sue, great to have you in, lots covered in an hour!
Sue: Hugs to all and thanks for having me. Bye everyone and thanks for all your questions :)