Community: Real Life

More respect for young mums


Victoria Tanner

Victoria, 21, has a little girl called Yasmin who is 4 years-old. They love watching High School Musical and playing princesses together. She also enjoys shopping, shoes, bags, anything that sparkles, girly chats and chocolate.

My age doesn't determine whether or not I make a good mother, insists Victoria.

There is no right age to have a child. When Yasmin was a baby I got really fed up of people looking at me as if i was something they had scraped off their shoes. My little girl was fed, warm and loved, what more did she need? A teenage mum is no different to one ten years older and should be treated with respect and have support like anyone else.

Policy makers, newspapers, radio and TV often show teenage mums who are seen as ignorant, irresponsible, or incapable of being good parents. In reality the majority of young mothers mature quickly and become a lot more responsible than their peers, they have less opportunity to go out binge drinking every week and are less prone to anti-social behaviour as a consequence of motherhood. A lot of people believe that being a young mum is an immediate cause for concern and they will not do as good a job as an older woman. But evidence suggests young parents take their responsibilities very seriously: the needs of their children are always high on the agenda. Several studies show young mums cope just as well as older women in similar circumstances, most feel the need to make the extra effort to prove to doubters that they can in fact manage. And do a brilliant job of it.

I fully understand where the stereotype has come from though. We've all seen the guests on the Jeremy Kyle Show and in some areas you're likely to walk down a street and see at least a couple of teenagers wearing tracksuits who are pregnant or pushing prams. These appear to be the ones who are doing it because they think it's cool or because it's an easy way out of having to work, or because their friends are pregnant. These cases are the ones that attract the media's attention and so all young mums get stereotypically labeled 'Vicky Pollard pram face'. It's extremely annoying and unfair that we are all tarred with the same brush.

Everyone will have heard comments such as: "She's only got herself pregnant to get a council house and benefits." Last time I checked, seven out of ten 15 and 16 year-old mothers, and around half of 17 and 18-year-olds stay at home. In fact, most young mums have little knowledge of housing policy before getting pregnant and what they do know often turns out to be wrong. Some more foolish and deluded youngsters may get themselves pregnant to claim benefits, yet when they have a new baby and trying to look after themselves and the child on minimum benefits it's not how they imagine it to be. The reality is the small amount of money they receive has to pay for equipment like cots, prams, nappies and clothes, as well as food, bills, and any extra costs like childcare. There's little, if any, margin for luxuries.

"When those two blue lines appeared on the pregnacy test my whole world felt as if it was gong to fall apart, but I got through it."

My well thought out life plan flew out of the window the minute I found out I was pregnant. I'd planned to finish college, live the crazy uni-life, maybe travel the world, definetly have wild nights out with the girls on a Saturday and lie in bed all day on a Sunday recovering. Further down the line I thought I'd get a good job, find Mr. Right, date for a couple of years, get married, get a house and then settle down and have children. So, I skipped a few chapters, what was the harm? Well, for a start there was no alcohol and no wild nights for me.

When those two blue lines appeared on the pregnacy test my whole world felt as if it was gong to fall apart, but I got through it. It wasn't easy and it certainly isn't over, but four years later here I am with a sense of pride from what I've achieved and a beautiful little girl whom I wouldn't change for the world. Having a baby is a different kind of adventure with a new challenge around every corner. I'm now starting university. It may be a bit later than most people my age and may not be the wild student life I once hoped for. I'm detemind to prove the stereotype wrong, make my daughter proud and support her in the future.

Thinking about the young mums I have met over the past few years, in most cases they felt parenthood had increased their determination to get a good job, to be a good role model and to support their child. I think it is a real shame this aspect is not portrayed in the media and that we all are labeled and discriminated against.

Angry? Submit a rant


Bookmark with:What are these?

Also on TheSite.org