Community: Real Life

Celebrity chefdom


John Tinney

John was born and bred in Glasgow and is studying Politics and History at university. He's partial to gigging, reading, football and Jack Daniels.

Celebrity chefs may be adept at rustling up a dish says John, but they should try a dose of humility to dilute their collective superegos.

Since when did being be a chef elevate you to the status of Gods among men? Here's a subtle tip for Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay - try just cooking in a restaurant without a television crew to inflate your heads.

There are far too many the-chef-is-the-star programmes infesting our TV screens. The F Word, Jamie's School Dinners, Heston's Victorian Feast, Hugh's Chicken Run, River Cottage, Kitchen Nightmares... the list goes on and that's just Channel 4. TV executives seriously need to consider employing some competent writers and actors and taking a chance, rather than producing these disgusting concoctions of reality TV and cooking. Even when I exercise the power to turn the TV off or over, I still can't escape these chefs leering at me from newspaper exclusives and book shops. The last straw was obliterated after spotting Gordon Ramsay's creased forehead, plastered on billboards, trying to flog me nail varnish remover masquerading as gin. Chefs such as Ramsay have long since traded their souls in pursuit of a whopping bank balance. The situation is deteriorating at such a rate I wouldn't be surprised to see Jamie Oliver panty liners on the market next.

"Just imagine the hilarity of Jamie Oliver trying to swim faster than a great white, or Antony Worrall Thompson going up against a mentally unstable pig in a no holds barred fight to the death."

Gordon Ramsay even has the audacity to claim he doesn't want to be called a celebrity chef. Yes Gordon, and they're currently naming streets after George W Bush in downtown Basra. If you don't want to be labelled as a 'celebrity' the solution is simple: don't prostitute yourself to the highest bidder in the mass media. It would be more entertaining to watch these chefs in a reality TV show being hunted by the animals they cook. Just imagine the hilarity of Jamie Oliver trying to swim faster than a great white, or Antony Worrall Thompson going up against a mentally unstable pig in a no holds barred fight to the death. If I was a betting man my money would be on the shark and the pig. The working title is 'Chef Bait,' but I'm open to suggestions. 

This saturation of celebrity chefs has to end before they unionise and lobby for more airtime or tax loopholes in the next budget. These cooks have enough money and Michelin stars, so don't shed sympathetic tears if their shows are cancelled. Hopefully their own shameless self promotion will render their shows obsolete. In the interest of fairness, it is important to note not all TV cooks are media whores. But for every modest operator there's the frightening prospect of an influx of aspiring John Burton Race's. Celebrity chefdom has reached epidemic proportions and its time some these muppets were consigned to obscurity. So if you're anything like Gordon 'The F Word' Ramsay, do us all a favour and stay in the kitchen or apply for the great new programme I'm calling 'Chef Bait'.

Angry? Submit a rant


Bookmark with:What are these?

Also on TheSite.org