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Sabrina

We chart the ups and downs of Sabrina as she heads back to finish her med degree at uni.
Entry: 11

As Sabrina heads back to uni she has a reality check on her social life and decides it's time to get her heart beat going again.

As Sabrina heads back to uni she has a reality check on her social life and decides it's time to get her heart beat going again.

Picture the scene. It's a Friday night in central London. The evening air is tingling with anticipation for the weekend. All the bars and clubs are waiting to charge you way too much for a watered-down cranberry and vodka (or just the cranberry in my case). Instead, I am again sat on my bed, the TV is showing a man who is willing to have his buttocks sanded and I wish I hadn't indulged so much at dinner as my abdomen is suitably distended. However, there's a person in my bed, sleeping next to me and I know they care for me very much. That person is my mother.

She decided to pay me a visit on the way home from her course. Over dinner earlier, she and I were discussing her visit, and she said she hoped she wasn't imposing on me. I mean, I know it's the weekend, but it's not like you were going to have any other plans." After a moment of contemplation and grinding more pepper onto my pasta carbonara, I realised that I couldn't disagree.

I could have written an obituary for my social life by now, and it's only after my mini-breakdown of sorts that I can reflect on how important it actually is to work, rest *and* play. UCL has a 'work hard, play harder' mantra. I've got to admit that sometimes, there's nothing I'd like more than a takeaway and a night in front of the TV and I have neglected to do some socialising. Mama's comments and seeing a copy of Time Out on a former lover's toilet floor sparked that part of my brain which would normally say, Get off your arse and go and shake it somewhere."

Life in general since my relapse has been a lot better. The summer was a perfect opportunity to work on things. After finding out my results, I was able to rest for a few weeks - really rest, it's amazing how much the body communicates with you when you sit back and allow it to do all the talking. I had several Cognitive Behaviour Therapy appointments, which really helped me to get things into perspective for the future. My medication is still at the increased dosage, but I'm hoping to have it reduced after a good chat with my GP.

One thing my therapist suggested I do was to exercise. I always knew the benefits of exercise, but foolishly never made time for myself to go, which in turn, led to a vicious cycle of stress. I've never really enjoyed the gym as I find it a little repetitive but I wasn't prepared to start running, so I caved in and took to some training in the gym, combined with pilates. I underestimated how much a person could sweat (and I mean sweating-like-a-pig sweat) even if they were in the same spot for an hour. Needless to say, it really had a positive impact on my mood, and however busy and stressful the course gets this year, time for exercise will be non-negotiable.

Last but not least, I'm an official student again. This has filled me with excitement and dread but at least I can never get bored. Well, perhaps I can, I've often gazed around the lecture theatre, seeing people sit up after a snooze - their paper stuck to their faces as their spit formed a suitable adhesive. I wasn't the only person who took a year out, so I'm not alone, it's good to know that others have hurdles too, because too often, medics can think they're immune to life's problems - but who can blame them when they have an entire week of anatomy to get through? Times are changing, lets see what the year is going to bring.

Updated: 18/04/2006


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