The upside

• You're the host. People will love you and congratulate you and your ego will be suitably stroked. That is, if the party is any good.
• Your guests may arrive bearing gifts. And if not gifts, then booze. They better, the cheapskates....
• No worries about getting home afterwards. You are home.
• You're guaranteed to wake up in your own bed. Unless some lowlife mate crashes there before you.
• After the clean up, the place will look better than it's ever looked. 'Our carpet is cream? I always thought it was grey.'

The downside

• You're the host, and this comes with all the pressures of being the one with the most. Are people having a good time? Is the music okay? Are there enough people here? Arrgghhh....
• Your 'guests' may nick your stuff. Or worse, leave their own manky stuff behind.
• Your bed could be used and abused as couples take the party's advice and "get a room".
• It's up to you to deal with the irate neighbours or police when it all gets messy.
• You have to live there afterwards. Next to those neighbours you've just alienated for ever.
• Cleaning up with a chronic hangover is as near to hell as you may ever get.

Still reckon it's a good idea? Make sure you know who NOT to invite before telling everyone about your bash:

The clutz: Guaranteed to break everything in sight, including all those valuables you thought you'd hidden away.

The gatecrasher: You wanted a quieter party with invited guests only, but this person never listens and instead turns up with his 30-strong crew. Well, they can ring on the doorbell for the rest of the night because they're not coming in.

The person crying on the stairs: It's not your party so you can't sit there snivelling and making everyone feel miserable.

The wannabe DJ: They think they're the next Annie Mac but can't mix to save their life. Let them have a go at the end when you're trying to get people to leave.

The keeno: She tries to get you all to play party games like pin the tail on the donkey and musical chairs. You just want to get trashed. She no fun. 

The police: Under the new Noise Act, the making of excessive noise between 11pm and 7am will be liable, following a warning, to result in a fixed penalty of £100 and confiscation of noise-making equipment. To avoid a visit from the boys in blue, try warning your neighbours or inviting them, otherwise you'll have to turn the sound down.

Updated: 15/12/2009