http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/blog.php Step Finder - TheSite.org - Getting help with finding support in the UK en Sun, 19 May 2013 08:49:35 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/blog.php http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/46-Starting-University-Finding-Solace-in-Others-and-Yourself Sat, 13 Apr 2013 16:04:59 GMT

Going to University for the first time I can say hands down is one of the biggest experiences of my life. For any age, whether you’re a school leaver, mature student or an international student, moving away from home into a new town or city for university can be a daunting experience. I remember being secretly excited about moving away from home and having my own independence, but that was also something, secretly, I was also afraid of. I didn't know anybody there, and I was worried about both fitting into a group of friends whilst trying to stand out for employers afterwards. Looking back at my first year now, as a second year student, I can see that things would have been very different if I didn’t have my friends as well as some new found self-support tools to get through the experience. There were things I could have done differently too, to get more from the experience.

When I started University I was still working down in London during the weekends. A lot of the people I worked with were students. They reassured me that the transition from college to University might appear daunting but is easier than it looks. One in particular advised me to go out as much as I could during fresher’s as a great way to meet other people, not just in the first year, but in other years as well. There are no lectures during fresher’s, so everybody is pretty much free to act however they want for a little while before getting settled in to work. My friends from school were also in a similar situation to me, when we spoke we found all of us were going through similar situations, trying to fit into new groups of people, so it was comforting to know my old friends were going through something similar and I wasn’t alone. My new flatmates were mostly in their 2nd year and almost literally held my hand (NOT because I was drunk of course!) through all the fresher’s and other uni events.

Half way through my second semester I quit working in London to spend more time on uni work. I felt like I had lost the support of my work friends since I didn't see them every weekend anymore. I felt almost lonelier than I did at the beginning of the year. Going to work during the weekends had meant I didn't go out as often as everyone else. I was always catching up on essays during the week. The increased amount of time to myself felt endless and I didn’t know what to do with it all.

Finally, the sports card that had been gathering dust in my purse seemed to almost glisten. I started going to the gym a few times a week and taking part in yoga classes as much as 4 times a week. Sometimes spending time with yourself can be just as important as spending time with others. Yoga was very relaxing and focused on finding inner peace and quiet. The extra sport in my life worked wonders on my confidence and I began to interact more with my course mates and take part in more activities at university as a result.

There were things I wish I had done differently in my first year. Due to the busy timetable and work schedule the relationship I had at the time with my boyfriend suffered. We didn't spend nearly enough time talking to each other about how things had changed since we were now long distance. We tried to manage the change by ignoring it, which was a disaster since we argued all the time about not spending enough time together to talk, let alone see each other. If we had communicated more with each other, we probably wouldn't have argued half as much as we did. I had a hard time accepting the move from London to my new town. I chose to stick to what I knew by growing really close to my work friends and making a minimal amount of effort with my course mates.

I wish I had interacted more with different societies during my first year as well. But I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I'm in my second year now and all the new friendships I have found in my course mates I know will probably last for many many years to come. The relationships I have with my old work friends and school friends have managed to last even though I don’t see them as much as I used to.

The sport not only did wonders for my confidence but also my body too. Taking part in any new experience, whether its university, a new job or an apprenticeship will be hard at first as you will be entering something you probably have never experienced before. Feeling lonely and being alone are two different things though, and more often than not being alone is something we are more likely to impose on ourselves rather than find ourselves stuck in. I think the key to it all is realising you’re not alone and that there is always someone else who is going through what you’re going through. ]]> JAGyasi http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/46-Starting-University-Finding-Solace-in-Others-and-Yourself http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/45-Depression-and-Self-harm-Building-a-support-network Tue, 09 Apr 2013 15:32:44 GMT Image: http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6119/6316668344_10fe5f65ee.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/jackob_d/6316668344/) When I was twelve years old, I began suffering with self-harm (http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm)and depression (http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/depression). It seemed to happen overnight, and I did not understand what...

When I was twelve years old, I began suffering with self-harm and depression. It seemed to happen overnight, and I did not understand what could be causing me to feel so low. I was living in a stable home with both parents, attending school as normal and had not experienced any major life changes. My mood was becoming increasingly low and I felt that I was at risk of seriously harming myself. However, I accepted that I needed support.

To begin with, I thought that accessing mental health services would be the most helpful course of action. I knew that they could offer a variety of treatment options, and that support would be provided within a safe and professional environment. Whilst this was indeed the case, it was not long before I realised that I needed to broaden my support network. Professional services often have long waiting lists or gaps between appointments. Furthermore, medication or therapy is not a miracle cure. It’s important to have a variety of meaningful activities or relationships in life alongside any professional involvement.

For me, two of the most helpful aspects of my wider support system were close friendships and journaling.

Opening up to friends

My friendship group was pretty tight-knit, and we had all been friends for over a year. It was therefore an easily accessible support network for me, although I did have to make the decision to confide in them with regards my feelings and self-harming behaviours.

I had concerns that they might not understand, and worried that they might break my trust by telling others. I did not want them to worry too much about me, or for our friendship to change in any way as a result. After considering these things for a while, I decided that I wanted support with the way that I was feeling and that I stood more of a chance of receiving support by opening up to people, even if that involved a few risks.

Whilst some of my friends understood the way I was feeling better than others, they were all helpful in encouraging me to stay positive and letting me know how much I was valued. Some of their support was very specific to my mental health (one friend wrote me a poem about their wish for me to recover and fears of losing me), whereas other aspects of support were more broad (providing humour and a space for escapism and fun). I valued all of their support, particularly as it helped to build my self-esteem and sense of meaning in life.

Writing a journal

Journaling was an activity I developed in order to actively focus on positive things in life. I felt that my depression had reduced my interest in hobbies, but writing and drawing about the things I used to love was a helpful way for me to remain in touch with them. I enjoyed the therapeutic act of writing and drawing, and often used it as a means of distracting myself from urges to self-harm.

Importantly, I also ended up with a cheerful book to look through and reflect on whenever I needed cheering up! This book then became a very crucial aspect of my broader support network. It gave me something to feel proud about, and I found that looking over lists and pictures of things in life that I enjoyed really contributed to my overall sense of self.

Speaking up and finding hope

I was scared about opening up because I did not want them to worry or interfere with my privacy. I was also afraid that there would become too much emphasis in our lives on my mental health, and that would impact negatively on our normally relaxed and cheerful relationship.

Looking back, I could have disclosed my difficulties whilst emphasizing my existing support system and making them aware of my concerns that things would change. I’d suggest that others in a similar position seek parental support as honestly as possible, including expressing any fears about the consequences. Saying something like “I’ve been feeling really low and think I might be depressed, but I’m worried about how that’s going to change things at home/with us/with my privacy” might be the clearest way to start an open conversation that reaches a solution for all involved.

Support networks can be incredibly varied and what works for one person may not work for another. Everybody will have different life circumstances and experiences, and these will present certain opportunities or barriers to accessing particular types of support. Whereas I found my friends and journalling helpful, others may be better supported by their extended family and sports club, their pet dog and religious community, or their digital camera and online communities. The list of activities and relationships that can help alongside professional services is practically limitless!

Whatever brings you a sense of security, joy or meaning to life is something that can be used to help you during the most difficult times. ]]> Octosquid http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/45-Depression-and-Self-harm-Building-a-support-network http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/44-Losing-My-Nan-amp-Starting-A-New-School Thu, 04 Apr 2013 14:22:45 GMT


My story begins when I was 15. I had to move to secondary school and didn't have many friends. I was also finding the work really challenging and the environment difficult. I had to surround myself with people who I didn't know and this prospect made me more vulnerable to missing school and had a direct impact on my GCSE Grades.It was when my Nan passed away during the exams I was taking at school that bereavement took its toll and I found this exceptionally hard to deal with.

I was unable to attend school and missed out on a lot of work which led me to be taken ill. An important person who was there in my childhood was never coming back. Bereavement is a hard thing to get past; it can take years for those feelings to subside. Maybe I was looking to come back to school and have friends who knew what I was going through and could be there as a comfort. I lost my sense of belonging at that school. I stopped opening up to those around me as no one understood how anxious and worried I had become.

As the saying goes, ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’, this could have only worked if I had opened up more, spoken to people I didn’t usually talk to and maybe they could have advised me on support available or perhaps they might have been through something similar and I could have found some hope in their stories.

Finding support

Looking back I did have some support. First of all I was encouraged to keep a diary. I was a bit reluctant at first because I'd never been able to write my thoughts down but would rather speak to someone in person. In actual fact the diary really helped and I was able to take the positives away from it. It turns out that a lot of people kept journals and that sort of thing. It was a personal space and I eventually got into the hang of keeping my feelings in there as opposed to talking it through.

Everyone starts somewhere so building up on my diary also helped me to look back at things and compare them to how I was feeling in the present. I enjoy writing so that was a positive in itself. I think putting things into perspective was better that way. I could relieve my stress and anxiety through letting out all my feelings and emotions but putting them somewhere safe.

If a professional is unavailable or you are waiting to be seen, plus you have no one to talk to, it's a great place to start by gathering some of your thoughts in one place. In my experience, most professionals e.g. counsellors will eventually ask you to write down your feelings in one way or another. I have found this a self-help tool when no help is available.

I also had the support of my parents who were always there for me when I needed that extra encouragement which I was very thankful for. This allowed me to share my struggles and have a sense of opening up to them which gave them a clearer idea of how things were going for me. This had an impact at school too when I decided to speak to teachers about it and meetings were arranged. Through ‘thick and thin’ as they say, I felt both my parents were a huge support for me.

Finding yourself in a situation like this, and having nowhere to turn, can be distressing. I’d say things are perhaps a bit different with my parents now that I am older and sometimes it’s hard for them to understand things. If you haven’t got a tight knit group of friends who look out for you then online support networks are another way to get help. Finding others that have been through the same experiences can really help, as well as useful tips and advice. Talking to people online can give you strength or prepare you to access help offline. It certainly gives me the courage even now to build up confidence to speak to people in real life. You can find TheSite’s supportive online community here. ]]> SoniaEjaz1 http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/44-Losing-My-Nan-amp-Starting-A-New-School http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/43-Getting-A-Job-In-Childcare Thu, 21 Feb 2013 19:19:32 GMT

I have always had an interest in working with children. When I started secondary school though, I found it really difficult when we were set tasks and work in lessons. This was happening because of my learning disability which I hoped I would get more help for and perhaps some encouragement. Unfortunately my teachers were not very supportive. They didn't understand my needs and didn't know how to help me.

I actually received more support from my family. My sister used to help me a lot with my work so I put my head down and got on with the work as best I could. One way around the struggle I found was to focus on what I wanted to achieve long term. I focusing on my dream of working with children. My family knew how passionate I was. My brother and sister would sit with me and help me for ages until I was confident enough to do my work on my own.

I knew what I wanted to do so I took childcare as an option for one of my GCSE’s. This subject was my first step on the way to my long term goal.

The next obstacle I faced were the grades I got when leaving school. I didn't think the school would encourage me to apply and attend college to do a childcare course. This made me feel quite worried and upset because I wanted this opportunity so much, and I was worried I wouldn't be able to achieve my goal. The grades I got in my exams weren't what I had expected, but this made me think and made me feel more determined.

I went along to sign up with the course anyway and wasn't sure what response I would get back. While I was waiting I felt really anxious and nervous but I also felt excited about the possibility of starting the course. To my surprise I was offered a place on the childcare course and things began to look up!

I started my Level 1 in Childcare at college. I really enjoyed doing it as it gave me the chance and opportunity to get a lot of knowledge about children's development in both the practical and theoretical sides of things.

I then moved onto a Level 2 in Childcare. We were given harder assignments to complete and were also told to go onto placements. I found the course challenging, however the support I received at college was amazing. I was given one to one support with assignments, and also the group I was in for the course wasn't a big group and the tutor was very supportive of my needs.

College found me a placement that I loved. It allowed me to work with children and get a feel for my career. I enjoyed being able to plan activities and really watch how the children play and learn. I was awarded my Level 2 in Childcare and Education.

Shortly after finishing college I started to do some bank staff work, at a local nursery. My sister was the manager there and she spoke to the owner, I was asked to go in a few times to help out. Bank staff means that you go and cover when staff are off. My qualification helped me in my role because I had the knowledge and could now put it into practice.

This was a great experience for me. I was given the opportunity to work hands on with the children, get stuck into planning activities and watch the children grow and develop new skills. I was also given the chance to learn more about partnership with parents and carers and this came as a new skill to me. After a while of being bank staff, I was offered a full time position at the Nursery. I was so happy :D

I have been at the nursery coming up to 5 years now. I have achieved my NVQ Level 3 in Childcare. I'm currently based in the 2-3 year olds room and I love it. It's very challenging but extremely rewarding, and this is the side of the job I mostly enjoy. For example, seeing a child who didn't have the confidence to play alongside others, or really communicate with others, now coming over to staff and saying our names, and joining in with small group times. With support they have gained confidence, and it's amazing to see.

I have learnt that it's important to not let things stand in your way, and that you can achieve anything if you set your mind to it, and have determination. So, if you’re struggling at college or school it’s really worth talking to your tutors to find out what support is available and to take whatever is offered! Having a learning disability doesn't mean you can’t achieve your goals. ]]> ClaireStephanie http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/43-Getting-A-Job-In-Childcare http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/42-A-little-small-secret-escalated-into-much-more-eating-problems Tue, 14 Aug 2012 16:02:40 GMT

I never thought it would turn out like this, I thought it was normal. I've been doing it for nearly a year and it's just part of my everyday life, there's nothing wrong with it. I mean, no one knew, and it was like something I could finally keep secret.

It all started in December 2011, when my mum brought some scales. Everyone weighed themselves but me. I've always been sensitive with what I look like and it was a shock to see the scales shoot up. This was when it started. I stopped eating meals with the family; I started restricting, fasting and purging.

I was bullied at school and it really haunted me. When I was in Year 10, I came across a campaign called The Big March on the BeatBullying website. I went on looking for support around this, and ended up being greeted by the loveliest counsellor from CyberMentors to help me work through the issues, and to help me gain more confidence. They were all very friendly and welcoming and I felt like I had escaped the 'bullying zone'.

A couple of months later I told my online counsellor about my eating habits. My friend had also latched on to what I was doing but never really talked to me about it. I'd moved in with her, with the promise I'd accept help. This was a lot harder to do then I imagined. I really couldn't accept it, I just didn't know how to. I'd learnt to cope on my own with no one interfering; now I had to let someone in. I've always been afraid of that. What if they judge me? What if they call me an attention seeker? What if they don't understand?

But what if these where only 'what ifs'? I needed reassurance, and visited b-eat - they had live chats and self help and support groups. I started to realise I really needed to learn to accept support.

My friend phoned CAMHS, and later that day someone came over to talk to me; I didn't really tell him anything - he was a male, and really didn't understand what I was trying to explain, and basically told me I wasn't underweight so I didn't have a problem, which really pushed me back. He made another appointment for the Friday to see a lady called Trace. I cancelled as I was scared about seeing her, and was constantly over-thinking that she was just going to tell me the same thing.

In the end I figured out that if I kept cancelling they would keep on at me until I attended. She came for a home visit and I told her everything that had been going on. She pointed out that they had people trained in Eating Disorders that I could talk to. I freaked out and changed the topic. I still didn't want to admit there was anything wrong; it's just something I personally find a huge barrier. I know it's affecting me, my family and my friends, but I didn't know how to accept the fact that something wasn't quite right.

Purging everyday had become something I was used to. I didn't see it as a 'problem', like others did. I didn't think it was affecting me, I found it a way to be able to 'get rid' of emotions (obviously I was getting rid of the food). It was my way of coping, my own secret way. I was dishonest to friends and family, just to keep it quiet.

Then something kicked in. Things got worse so I told my mum about it, and educated her whilst I did so to help her understand. She always used to think 'it's attention seeking', 'you're choosing to be like this', and I had found it really difficult to talk to her about things, and lost all trust. Moving out has helped rebuild that trust, and I decided to talk to her about it. I'd send her links to read through, whilst phoning her up to explain that it's not something I enjoy doing, it's like an addiction. It turned out that her coping mechanism was cleaning and mine was just a more negative approach. My mum booked an appointment with the GP. I'm totally dreading the appointment, but I guess once it's over, I can hopefully go back to being 'normal', whatever normal is.

Knowing that I'm finally going to try and admit there's something wrong is a huge step forward for me. I hope to be able to overcome everything that's gone on in the past to lead a healthier life with more positive coping mechanisms. Having to constantly purge was becoming something quite serious, and the more I read into it the more it scared me and pushed me one step closer to getting the help I needed.

It wasn't ever easy to talk about, and I used to get emotional over it, but you've got to be willing to try and accept there's something wrong and work through it. Nothing is going to change overnight. I found it much easier to open up online, but then speaking to Trace made me realise how much I had really been missing that face-to-face interaction. She was able to reassure me and help me more actively then online support could. Online support can help to bridge that gap to getting the help you need in real life. ]]> SophieA http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/42-A-little-small-secret-escalated-into-much-more-eating-problems http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/41-Talking-to-Friends-About-Self-Harm Tue, 01 May 2012 16:46:20 GMT

I started self harming about 4 months ago, just after one of my closest friends had told me he'd been feeling suicidal. I was the only person he'd told so I felt responsible for him. He means everything to me so the thought of losing him was too much to cope with.

I guess it felt like everything in my life was out of my control, I couldn't control how Ben was feeling, I couldn't control my feelings for my ex, and the fact my friend had just asked him out, and Ben had just told me he might be moving away for sixth form. Cutting was something I could control, no one could stop me from doing it, and in a way it made all the emotional hurt kind of go away. During those times I'd only focus on the physical pain, I could forget about everything else.

Supporting him when I was struggling too
I told Ben about my self-harm only a few days after I started. He was amazing about it, he asked questions but if I said I didn't want to say then he never pushed me. I never told him that he was the main cause of it. I knew that would just make him feel guilty, and he might stop confiding in me when he needed me. I just thought it'd be really selfish to tell him. Sometimes I'd be feeling bad and he'd text me saying he felt bad too, so I'd force myself to stop. I'd tell myself that me feeling this way wasn't going to help either of us, and I knew that Ben was worse than me. I had to be there for him.

I tried to stop cutting, but if I didn't cut then I started to feel suicidal. It only got really bad once or twice, but I didn't let Ben know until after, I didn't want him to worry. The only thing that really kept me going when I felt like that was Ben. I was pretty certain if I was gone then he'd really struggle, and he didn't, and never does deserve that.

Opening up to my friends
I've got better at managing my feelings recently, and although I still cut it's not as regular and never as bad. My friends know me really well, I show my emotions quite a lot, so as soon as I started to feel down they noticed and started bugging me about what was up. At first I tried to deny anything was wrong but everyone just kept asking.

I didn't really want to tell them, I guess I've always considered myself to be a strong person and I don't like to show anything wrong. With Ben I knew he wouldn't think I was being weak or consider it stupid, whereas I didn't think my other friends would understand. I also didn't want them to worry. It was worrying about someone that triggered most of my problems.

I kept getting told I needed to talk to someone, so to try and make them go away I told them I had spoken to Ben. They were offended that I'd told him and not them. In the end I told one of my friends and then another, and pretty soon all my close friends knew.

To be fair they were all supportive, but I regretted telling them. They kept asking why, which obviously I couldn't tell them. They kept telling me I should stop, and didn't seem to understand that I couldn't. After a while they stopped bugging me about it.

Knowing they were there for me did help, and I have told two of them everything now. I just couldn't hold it in anymore, and I am glad I told them. Neither of them really understood, but it still helped to tell someone.

One thing I'd like to say to anyone who self harms is, although it may not seem like it, things will get better. I know everyone says talk to someone, and for some people that might help, for me it made things more complicated in some ways but I've still overcome it. ]]> clutchingatstraws http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/41-Talking-to-Friends-About-Self-Harm http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/40-Helping-a-Suicidal-Friend Tue, 01 May 2012 16:41:57 GMT

Ben and I hadn't been friends for very long really, less than a year, but we've always been close. We first started speaking in lessons and quickly I realised I really liked him, as a friend and more. At one point he liked me too, and we did have a kind-of relationship but it never really worked out. After that, our friendship grew to the point where we told each other almost everything. He means everything to me and I couldn't live without him.

When I first found out my friend Ben was feeling suicidal I didn't know what to do. Obviously I wanted to support him, and make him feel better, but I had no idea how. Although he trusted me enough to tell me how he was feeling, he didn't trust me with most of the reasons why. At the time it was kind of frustrating that he wouldn't tell me, but looking back I can fully understand why.

The pressure of being the only one to know

When he told me, he made me promise not to tell anyone, a promise which I haven't been able to stick to, but for the first few months I did. I was the only person he'd told, so I convinced myself that if anything happened to him it would be my fault. He tried to make me see that it was his life and that I shouldn't blame myself. I'm grateful to him for that, but it didn't really help at the time.

I could always tell something was up, but never when he was feeling really bad. I guess it must have been a nightmare for him because I asked so often if he was OK. I had to know. If he hadn't told me, then he hadn't told anyone, and if he hadn't told anyone then anything could happen.

If we had fall outs over stupid things then I'd apologise constantly, because although he knew he could always talk to me, I knew he wouldn't come to me if we weren't talking. Luckily these never lasted more than a few days, but I worried constantly until we'd made up. I tried to get him to tell someone else, but it was his friends and family causing the problems. After a month or two though, once he'd started to trust me a bit more, he started texting me when he felt bad, so I knew when to help him.

Supporting him via text

He'd text me, usually quite late at night, just saying he felt bad again. That's all it took to send me into full panic mode, but I never let on to him quite how scared I was. Whatever I'd say to him it didn't seem to help. I never tried to ask why he was feeling so low, I just tried to focus on the positives, and try and at least get him to give it another day. He'd often say there were no positives and at times I got so close to breaking down myself. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that if I went, he'd go too, and he didn't deserve that.
I spent most of the time just reassuring him that I loved him, that I was always there for him, that I didn't want to lose him, and that all his friends felt the same way. I wasn’t sure if it made a difference but I reckon long term it did. Only being able to speak to him by text was hard but there was no other way to speak to him late at night. Quite often he'd stop replying, and although I knew he was probably fine, I couldn't stop thinking that he'd actually committed suicide. There were times where I sent 4 or 5 texts, getting more and more stressed before he'd reply. I did think about ringing him, and trying to comfort him that way, but I was usually so scared that I was in tears, and that wouldn't have helped him in the slightest.

I wish I could have been with him really, to just be able to hold him and tell him it would be OK, and if I really had to, then physically stop him from doing anything. I felt helpless by text, and like what I was saying wasn't sincere. It's hard to show how much someone means to you by text.

Looking back on it

I wish I'd have spoken to him at school or something, and tried to get him to tell me what was wrong when he wasn't feeling so bad. If he'd have told someone else too it would have been so much easier on me. I know what it's like to feel that bad though, and how hard it is to tell people, especially the ones who care about you. I don't blame him at all for that.

If I had to say something to someone in my position, it would be to try and get them to talk about it, but only when they're not feeling really bad. Let them know that you love them and that it will get better, and if you're really worried then don't be afraid to act. Luckily it never got that bad with Ben, and he's doing a lot better now. ]]> clutchingatstraws http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/40-Helping-a-Suicidal-Friend http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/36-Have-a-Better-Christmas-by-Making-Christmas-Better-for-Others Thu, 15 Dec 2011 19:06:58 GMT A few months ago, one of my cousins died. He lived a few hours away from me, but he was at my wedding, and sat next to me at my grandmas funeral. Though I wanted to attend his funeral, I couldn’t. However, many of my good relatives were there. This is something I thought about while at my family Christmas gathering. Image: http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7144/6840888679_62d972090b.jpg I’m... A few months ago, one of my cousins died. He lived a few hours away from me, but he was at my wedding, and sat next to me at my grandmas funeral. Though I wanted to attend his funeral, I couldn’t. However, many of my good relatives were there. This is something I thought about while at my family Christmas gathering.



I’m not looking forward to Christmas. Most of my family will be scattered all over Great Britain, but those who live nearby haven’t invited my wife and I to spend Christmas Day with them. We will probably spend Christmas together in our flat, as we did last year.

Last month, I attended a training course so I’d be able to volunteer for a national organisation based near to where I live, which helps people whose friends or relatives have been killed in road collisions. Part of that training course consisted of attendees listening to stories more upsetting than anything to which I’ve responded in chat. While hearing the stories in quick succession, I contemplated not volunteering for the organisation. I thought listening to the experiences of bereaved people may be too distressing.

I decided however, that I should volunteer for the organisation. How ever difficult it may be for me to be confronted with horrible bereavement stories, it is more difficult for the people who knew those for whom they are grieving. My experiences can end when I finish speaking to the people who tell me about their bereavement, but it doesn’t end for them.

Christmas is a difficult time for people who are bereaved. I can manage my emotions. Though I am saddened by my losses, I can handle them. Though my Christmas won’t be fantastic, there are people for whom Christmas will be a lot worse. Rather than focus on the losses I have experienced or how rubbish Christmas is for me, I can help other people get through Christmas. Christmas will still not be brilliant for them, but they may feel better after receiving support from me or other volunteers.

You could be those other volunteers. Regardless of how good your Christmas will be, try during the Christmas season, to set aside some time to help other people have a better Christmas. More than anything else, helping people is what I am looking forward to doing this Christmas. ]]> WayneS http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/36-Have-a-Better-Christmas-by-Making-Christmas-Better-for-Others http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/35-Seeing-a-counsellor-first-appointment-jitters Sun, 04 Dec 2011 16:27:52 GMT So, you’ve found yourself a counsellor and you’ve booked your first “assessment” appointment, but you really don’t know what to expect. I know that fear only too well, so wanted to share my experiences.

I started to get really anxious between making the appointment and the actual appointment date which was just over two weeks away. I was worried about finding the building, so I went on a recce when I had a spare moment with a parent in tow.

I then worried about what they’d ask and whether I could actually open up to someone at an allotted time and provide the information they needed to work out if they could help. Also, what if the person just didn’t understand me or thought I was wasting their time? Plus what about confidentiality?

Oddly perhaps, part of me worried that after attending the initial assessment I’d feel obliged to go back if an appointment was offered, even if it didn’t quite feel right. Actually it became clear during the appointment that it was just as important for me to get to know them and make the call on whether it was right for me, and there really was no pressure either way.

Not knowing what to expect was a real barrier to actually going on the day in question: the fear of the unknown was really getting to me. Driving to the appointment calmed me slightly having done the run before and at least being able to focus on the known part of the whole experience: how to get there, where to park and where the entrance was.

I made it to the appointment and it really wasn’t as bad as I’d anticipated. I guess they get used to nervous first timers and so I was offered a drink and we started off with easy questions about me, before going on to what had led me to make contact and a bit of family history. The terms of counselling and confidentiality were clearly set out, but presented in a non intimidating way.

It was a great service located above a Connexions centre so it removed some of the trepidation I’d felt about being spotted going into a counselling building, and I felt really at home. It was more informal with bean bags on the floor, paper and pens for doodling…I was quite surprised by the informality of it, but it certainly helped me feel more comfortable. Plus they were sensitive to the fact that words weren’t necessarily my strong point when it came to talking about my feelings, so I was encouraged to use other creative ways to express myself. ]]> Mavis http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/35-Seeing-a-counsellor-first-appointment-jitters http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/34-Finding-a-counsellor-seek-and-ye-shall-find Sun, 04 Dec 2011 16:24:18 GMT Suddenly it hits you. For whatever reason, you acknowledge that you’re not coping and that you need help. You’ve heard about counselling and think it sounds like an option, but how do you go about accessing the service when you need it and at a time and place to suit you? I’ve certainly found it a minefield so here’s my personal story: the barriers I faced to finding a counsellor and how I... Suddenly it hits you. For whatever reason, you acknowledge that you’re not coping and that you need help. You’ve heard about counselling and think it sounds like an option, but how do you go about accessing the service when you need it and at a time and place to suit you? I’ve certainly found it a minefield so here’s my personal story: the barriers I faced to finding a counsellor and how I overcame them.

Finding a counsellor was hard going when I wasn’t feeling very resilient. I knew counselling could be on offer through my GP surgery, or they might be able to provide information on some local counselling services, but I also knew from past experience that there would be a substantial waiting list. Plus I didn’t really want to visit my doctor: having just moved to a new area, I didn’t want to start all over again, going over old ground with another new person only to be passed on to someone else. I knew what support I needed; I just needed to access it. But that wasn’t simple.

After doing quite a bit of Googling, I found that quite a few sites were signposting the BACP website which could help me find therapists in my area. This in itself was confusing: what sort of counselling did I want? Anyway I found a decent sized list, but just didn’t know where to start. Some of the therapists had websites and I noticed the session costs were quite pricey, even if the initial appointment was free. I was doing some volunteer work, but I wasn’t in paid employment, so I didn’t really want to have to pay for the service. What next I wondered?

I had found a really handy factsheet from Mind on counselling services, so I wondered what they did in my area. I found my local Mind branch online and as I didn’t fancy ringing them, used their contact form, outlining that I was a young person looking for counselling and asking if they could point me in the right direction. What I hadn’t realised was that they actually offered counselling support themselves, for free or low cost depending on your circumstances, so I was given the name of someone to ring to discuss it.

The next worry was actually picking up the phone and making that call! I just didn’t know what I’d say when I rang. Thankfully I knew who I needed to speak to now and had an entrée from the e-mail I’d sent, so I jotted down a few bullet points of things I wanted to ask, and a few responses to general questions I anticipated like why I was seeking counselling. This really made the phone call easier and they really didn’t ask many questions: I guess that’s why you have an initial assessment appointment!

After this appointment (more on first appointment barriers in another story!) they were happy to take me on if I wanted to proceed, but waiting times were really long and they thought there might be other counselling services better placed to help me. They said that I could go on their list, but it might be worth contacting the other services as they could offer more youth friendly support and might be able to progress something more quickly.

I was somewhat annoyed by this, as I felt they’d have been better signposting me elsewhere before setting the initial assessment. However, on reflection it felt good to know I had options and to actually have overcome those making the first steps nerves.

I contacted one of the organisations recommended and was met by another barrier: the dreaded answering machine. The problem is you’re then waiting on them to ring you and that could be at any time, which means you end up jumping every time the phone rings! Anyway, they rang me back after about 15 minutes and I answered the phone with my heart racing. It seemed they were better placed to help me, better resourced, and specialising in free young people’s counselling. So, it was back to another initial assessment appointment… There was about a month to wait between my initial assessment and the start of the counselling but I was told I could contact them at any time if I felt I really needed to talk to someone in an emergency. From then on, I never looked back! ]]> Mavis http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/34-Finding-a-counsellor-seek-and-ye-shall-find http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/33-A-life-with-mental-health-problems-learning-to-live-again. Mon, 31 Oct 2011 21:40:28 GMT Hey, so i am Noush, i am a 21 year old female who loves cats and shoes, i am incredibly partial to a nice bag of malteasers and a cuppa tea, and i am doing a degree in psychology. I sound like any normal girl of 21 years, but there is one major difference. I have a severe mental health disorder which affects me every day, i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder at aged 18 after a long stint in mental health wards, i take 300mg of quitiapine and 50mg sertraline daily, and i see a psychiatrist once a week. When i first was diagnosed i was ashamed to be classed as "crazy" (as i saw it, even i, someone who suffered with mental health problems had this initial pre-judgment that so many have). But learning to live with this disorder i came to realize that i am just sick as many people are, people get illnesses in different formats, some have problems with arthritis, others have difficulty with asthma, i had problems with my mind. It took a long time to realize i am not ashamed to have BPD, but i still am conscious of who i tell because of the pre-conceptions many in this country have. But i have learnt no matter what people think, i am a normal girl, i go out, i like shopping, and I just take tablets to control my emotions. It’s still difficult to entrust people with my diagnosis, but more often than not, people do surprise you at how understanding and non-judgmental they can be. So im here to share my story with you, so that perhaps if you know someone or think you may suffer yourself with a problem, you can see that the way I ended up getting help was not the best way, had I gone to a doctor sooner I could have had the answers I needed so much sooner and saved myself and others a lot of pain.

From the age of about 10 I knew that I felt different to most children, whilst they were all around happily playing I would spend every minute worrying that they didn’t like me, I would try mold myself to be whatever they wanted me to be so they would like me. All the way through school I would go home and sometimes cry myself to sleep so worried that everyone hated me. At 13 I took an overdose of paracetemol, I have absolutely no explanation for this other than I felt such utter despair it rocked straight through my core leaving me with emptiness. For years after this I just sailed along trying to handle my up and downs and my paranoia, then at 16 I was sexually assaulted by a boy and from this moment on everything flared up and I became a direct danger to myself. I started slitting my wrists, the first time I ever did it I remember I was sat listening to a my chemical romance song, and I said to myself that I wanted to die. I never started cutting myself as a release (which it inevitably became) but I started as I wanted to end my life. It didn’t work and I ended up with 26 stitches in my wrists. From this moment on I realized I needed to be smarter, so I became sneaky until I knew I could be free.

I moved to London at aged 18, I never believe I truly came to terms with being sexually assaulted at just 16, and when the opportunity to run came (for me it was through university) I took it with both hands. I felt like I could completely reinvent myself, and through this reinvention perhaps I could change my past. I was very wrong and in fact it was the start of an incredibly downhill spiral that almost resulted in my death. I began to starve myself, my obsession with reinventing myself began with grasping for control in every aspect of my life I could, and the main way was with food, I would partake in other destructive behavior such as drinking and spontaneous spending which as a result I am now in approximately £3000 worth of debt. But in my eyes there was nothing wrong, I was finally in control and I loved every minute of it. That’s what I thought, until the highs would leave, and all I would be left with was an incontrollable loneliness, a despair which I could not even describe, so I began to slit my wrists. There were some of these states where I genuinely would not remember what had happened, and had no Idea I had attacked myself until I came out of that episode. I call these moments, where I dissociated “episodes” it’s a term I find easier, mainly because I still struggle to see that it was me who committed these acts, and this gives me some sort of distance. One night just before Christmas I had a particularly bad episode, my dad passed away when I was ten, and this night I was hearing voices, his voice, telling me he could rescue me if I joined him. I slit my wrists so bad the only thing I remember is waking up in hospital. Needless to say I spent the next 3 weeks in a mental institution, luckily I was released for Christmas, but that was an incredibly close call. It was here they diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder, and it was here my life finally began to make sense.

I immediately was moved away from London, now being 19, and this meant leaving my degree. I was under constant supervision ensuring I ate and didn’t self-harm and started on a strict regimen of drugs and therapy. I moved back home with my family and began to get myself back on track, I still find myself on the edge, I am always worried that a trigger will come along and set my BPD off, but I decided I wasn’t going to let it rule my life. I registered back at University near my home, and switched to do a psychology degree, I have done volunteer work with the police station, and I am a restaurant supervisor in an Italian. I still have days where I feel empty and filled with despair, I still have days where I will ring my mum and tell her I need to be put back in the hospital because I can “feel” a bad episode coming, but now I also have days where I smile, im managing to slowly clear my debt, and im managing to see a life not just surviving with mental health problems, but a life where I am actually living with it.

Everyone needs to realize that there are always those who judge, but there are those who judge because people smoke, are overweight, have ginger hair, I just get judged because I have a problem with my brain. To everyone who reads this I want you to understand that you cannot see mental health problems, we don’t look “crazy” and half the time we don’t even act crazy. Mental health is not something to fear, I was placed in a mental health unit in a hospital and I was not wearing a straight jacket or rocking in a corner. Sometimes it takes realizing that normal people can have mental health problems for individuals to see that it is okay to go to your doctor and ask them questions, I always knew there wasn’t something quite right, but I never was brave enough to say anything, I always imagined that someone with mental health problems was sat shouting on the bus, or spending their entire life in a hospital ward. I was wrong, it turned out that person was me.

If you have read this and it has touched a nerve, or you recognize the emotions I feel, or you just have questions, I am more than happy to answer them. I have come to accept that BPD is a part of me, and whilst i have my bad days, i wouldn’t change me for the world, because my mental health problems make me who I am. I am Noush, I am a 21 year old female, and i have borderline personality disorder. And I am not ashamed anymore, and if you have any form of illness, be it mentally or physically you shouldn’t be either. ]]> NoushyBear http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/33-A-life-with-mental-health-problems-learning-to-live-again. http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/32-You-ll-never-walk-alone.-A-Males-story-of-moving-on-from-ex. Wed, 19 Oct 2011 19:44:07 GMT Dealing with rejection I met Kat in the summer of 2009, she was the friend of a girl I originally liked. At first we only saw each other as friends, but by October we both wanted a relationship. Just two days after we got together, for no apparent reason, she refused to speak to me at School and then over the weekend. When we finally spoke she was angry at me and said she had a wonderful... Dealing with rejection

I met Kat in the summer of 2009, she was the friend of a girl I originally liked. At first we only saw each other as friends, but by October we both wanted a relationship. Just two days after we got together, for no apparent reason, she refused to speak to me at School and then over the weekend. When we finally spoke she was angry at me and said she had a wonderful weekend but was frustrated by me. I had not even seen her since Thursday, so I had no idea what was going on. On the Monday and Tuesday she flat out ignored me, even when I spoke to her directly. It was not until the Friday we finally spoke with one of her friends together to try and sort something out.

In that conversation, she made it clear that she only wanted to be friends despite the fact that it was her who asked me out. Her friend agreed with her, the same friend who had been pushing for nearly two months beforehand trying to get us together. I really loved Kat, and I thought that it was just an odd 'period'. Hopefully by the following week everything would return to how it was and possibly we could get back together again. I believed this for nearly four months. That 'period' never ended.

Why can't we be friends?


During that time we became more and more distanced, I became closer to her other friends and she saw this as me abandoning her- she thought I was only interested in her if she wanted a relationship with me. This wasn't true as I wanted someone to talk to and be close friends with, as female friends are much more understanding and caring than male friends in my opinion.

Yet, despite the fact that Kat wanted a close friendship with me I couldn't come to terms with it. I still loved her so much. This made me angry and frustrated at her, believing that we never had an opportunity to really try a relationship. My anger turned somewhat into hate. I began to say disrespectful things about her to friends, thinking that her friends were on my side. The whole situation makes me feel disappointed at myself, yet also rather upset. I wish I could have kept our friendship but in truth I felt helpless. I was pushed by her friends and her into a relationship that seemed rosy, but once it collapsed it felt like the doors were slammed back in my face.

The cold shoulder

By the end of January, me and Kat did not look at each other down the hallway. I stopped the harmful comments about her and attempted to move on. I found it hard because I still felt something for her despite the things I’d said. She began the gossip about me and one by one, the friends I believed were mine began falling out of my circle. I had no-one left from that group come June, and many more people believed her and listened to her. Even when we moved to college, one of my friends told me how she'd gossiped about me to some of her new college friends. They gave me horrible looks in college corridors and made me feel sick. People who had not even met me now disliked me. Luckily they were a minority in a large college.

During this time, my real life friends separate from this group were not much help. Most of them said 'just talk to her' when they knew just as well as I did that she refused to talk to me whatsoever. They just listened to the story and nodded. Saying things like 'Oh well' or 'Females eh?' Those comments made me feel worse. By mid April I felt in a pit of nothingness. No-one understood me and I had no-one to talk to. Add to this the pressure of exams and the crumbling Financial and Managerial status of Liverpool football club (Faced with bankruptcy and collapse) I felt very depressed. Nothing seemed to help. Then came the long summer break away from everyone, which did help.

Finding the support I craved

I also owe a lot to a Liverpool FC forum that I use. It had an existing thread on ex-girlfriends. While the thread itself was not created for advice about ex-girlfreind help, the topic was soon filled with people looking for help and other people telling their stories. Admittedly, there is some pretty staunch stuff on there. A lot of people were in different situations to me and nearly all of them much older than I was. Many of them told me to “Get the f* over yourself" and "Grow up lad." However one or two took it seriously and told me that I wasn't the only one who had these issues. I was told that I still had a lot of time left and being in college was a fresh start despite the fact that she was still there. I started to look forward with this advice and in truth things got better. I put the whole issue aside (I had stored it up in the summer and only made it worse) and focused on college. Before I knew it everything was good again. I'd met some amazing people and new friends, even some girls I fancied, (Although they never progressed) succeeded somewhat in college and Liverpool FC was saved from disaster at the last moment. The forum really kept me positive and forward thinking – there was advice and humour at every turn (I still laugh when I read that thread.)

A new attitude

Sometimes seeing Kat in college still makes me think about what could have been, but I’m coming to terms with the fact that I need to move on and am doing so. I’m being positive and not looking back. I have learned not to get so worked up and be more calm and positive in future relationships. It was a tough lesson to learn but an essential one. Like I mentioned, still seeing Kat around makes me think, but in truth it’s behind me. ]]> Saint Kopite http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/32-You-ll-never-walk-alone.-A-Males-story-of-moving-on-from-ex. http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/31-Wanting-to-Teach-Against-All-Odds Tue, 02 Aug 2011 16:39:34 GMT


I am a university student who is interested in a career as a primary school teacher. I want to do primary PGCE (Postgraduate Certificate in Education). However, I have heard that there is stiff competition for PGCE courses. In fact, I could not even consider applying for the course until I had a minimum of two weeks work experience in a state primary school. The task of finding a primary school placement can be very difficult. I was also deeply worried that maybe teaching wasn’t for me. What if I can’t stand kids, or I can’t teach very well? I heard that teaching can be very demanding and the workload is very heavy. All these concerns and obstacles to teaching was worrying and off-putting, I doubted my ability to succeed.

I first consulted my student development officer at my university for advice on teaching. I spoke to her about my fears and doubts about teaching. Fortunately, my student development officer used to be a head teacher of a state school. She knew exactly what I needed to do to give myself a strong application for PGCE. She gave me hope that I could succeed and become a good teacher. She said that it will be tough, but if I work hard, I can do it. She also decided to email primary schools in my local area on my behalf to try to get me work experience. This was very encouraging, I thought, all I had to do was wait for a reply.

A week later, my student development officer told me that my old primary school would offer me a placement. She said I was very lucky because many people do not find placements at all. I was really happy. I managed to get a placement with surprising ease. But I knew that my challenge had only just begun. I had to draw as much experience from my two-week placement in order to have a strong application when I begin to apply for primary PGCE. I was still haunted by the idea that I would hate my experience, dislike the kids, stutter and be inept in communicating with children. I was scared, nervous and I just wanted to get the two weeks over with as soon as possible.

I also found out that the person who would be my supervisor during my two-week experience would be my FORMER PRIMARY SCHOOL TEACHER! Oh my gosh! Not only will I be worried about being a poor teacher but also my former schoolteacher will watch me. This made me even more scared because I really did not want to embarrass myself in front of her as well! No one could have prepared me for this.

I chose to observe a year 4 class for the most part my two-week experience. I really thought the kids would eat me alive and laugh at me. The first day got off to a nervous start. I sat down with a group of children at a table and spent my time helping them with their maths work. Maths was never my strong point, and I was hoping that I did not slip up and make an embarrassing mistake in front of the nine year olds with the maths questions. Fortunately, I did not mess up. Even more uplifting was that I was able to communicate with these children effectively. I was able to clarify the teacher’s instructions in a way that helped the kids to understand. I’m teaching! I thought to myself. I can do it. And most of all I enjoyed working with the children.

During the two weeks, I learnt more about children and developed my ability to teach. I cannot explain it but I felt that I grew into the role of a teacher. I became more confident around the children, as well as more relaxed and less stressed. I developed a good rapport with the kids and even more surprising and unexpected was that I was very popular with the children. In addition, my old primary school teacher was impressed with my ability. Yahoo!

I enjoyed my two-week experience so much that I decided to stay in the school for the rest of the term (an additional 4 weeks) with the intent of trying to get a variety of experience, such as taking charge of more class sessions and teaching the children new skills.

By the end of my work experience, I felt that I had learnt a lot about the world of primary school teaching. I have an immense level of respect for primary school teachers because they constantly face heavy workloads and everyday pressures of teaching children. And many of them do a very good job at helping young kids to flourish and learn.

I have a lot to improve on as a teacher but I am more confident and passionate about teaching. Moreover, I believe I can succeed. Teaching is hard work, the competition for places on PGCE courses is stiff. And I face many tough challenges in the future. Nevertheless, for me teaching children is fun and rewarding and it is worth the challenge. Bring it on! ]]> oceantide http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/31-Wanting-to-Teach-Against-All-Odds http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/30-How-a-diagnosis-of-epilepsy-changed-my-life. Thu, 30 Jun 2011 12:22:12 GMT My story may sound a scary experience, but I hope it will help anyone out there. And help people to understand, there is always hope. I was a very happy girl growing up with no worries in my life, until I hit 14. I, like all of my friends, would have a “grey” day when we would all feel a bit “down”, with ‘normal’ problems ie: with boys, or spots! However unlike all of my friends, I started to... My story may sound a scary experience, but I hope it will help anyone out there. And help people to understand, there is always hope.

I was a very happy girl growing up with no worries in my life, until I hit 14. I, like all of my friends, would have a “grey” day when we would all feel a bit “down”, with ‘normal’ problems ie: with boys, or spots! However unlike all of my friends, I started to experience strange auras that I could not explain. I tried to carry on day to day at school, but the feelings began to worsen. I would casually be walking to school or sitting in the classroom, when I would unexpectedly experience a scary, strange “deja vu” feeling, and then I would suddenly feel so hot, and feel really confused about what was going on around me. It was so scary, in a way that words cannot describe, then after a couple of minutes the feeling would stop.

I was so scared and tried to explain it to my mother; who wasn’t sure what was happening either, but she could see how scared I was. She took me to the doctors. As I explained my experiences, the doctor looked completely baffled, and said I was suffering from ‘depression’. He referred me to see a counsellor. Despite feeling so unwell, I had no choice but to follow the doctor’s referral. I was referred to an adolescent counsellor. I found it very difficult to talk to him, as he didn’t seem to understand what I was saying. He ignored everything I told him about the strange feelings I was experiencing, and prescribed me a form of Prozac. Just two weeks after taking the drug, I was staying the night at my friend’s house, when the next day I woke up in Hospital.

I was told by the Doctor I had experienced a Grand Mal seizure. I was in absolute shock and horror! How embarrassing to have a grand mal seizure in my friends bed!

I later saw a Neurologist who confused me with his analysis. It appeared there was not a black & white answer. On reflection it makes a lot of sense, he explained “it could be a one off seizure, as this happens to 1 in 20 people in their lifetime, but my EEG showed I was susceptible to seizures’. I came home scared and confused. What did this mean? I wanted to get back to ‘normal’ as quickly as possible.

I continued to experience strange auras. However my GP ignored all of the Neurologist’s summary, and sent me to see another counsellor for depression again. This coming and going went on for some time. I continued having the strange deja vu’s and scary feelings continued, until one day I thought I was going mad. It got too much to handle, so one day I bought a load of painkillers from the chemist and took an overdose at home. I wanted to end the fear, and the strangeness I was experiencing. I had given up on everything.

I was brought round in hospital luckily to see my mum, dad and sister who were so kind and understanding, and promised to help me get through everything, and gave me hope.

As time went on, the déjà vu’s, I know now as (auras), started to turn into seizures which my mother and sister witnessed. I was eventually referred to Queen Square Hospital, (who specialise in Neurology). I met the most understanding Neurologist. Every experience I described, ie. unpleasant deja vu’s, a pain in my stomach at the same time, feeling really hot, and then what he described as a ‘Grand mal seizure’. He instantly diagnosed me with Epilepsy. In a strange way at the age of 18, I was relieved; I wasn’t going ‘mad’ I am just a normal girl who experienced a common form of epilepsy. I later had an MRI scan that showed I had a small scar that possibly caused the seizures.
I was prescribed anti epileptic medication, and I instantly started to feel more ‘normal’. Now I can understand the feelings. Although it may take some time to find the right medication, it doesn’t stop me from leading a ‘normal’ life. I still like a drink, but no longer take any drugs, as that is a trigger.

I happily started back at college, and then went onto complete my degree in Media Studies at University.

It is not an easy topic to tell people about, but I want to break the barrier. I am not alone. Over 450,000 people have epilepsy in the UK alone, with 7 people diagnosed every day in England. Like most people I don’t always find it easy to tell people, but as time goes on, I have told everyone I am close to. If people are too scared I just have to reassure them I am not going to suddenly have a seizure and fall on the floor, but if someone finds it too hard, I think I’m better off without them.

I would love to hear your comments. Here's my blog, would love to hear from you.
www.peaceofminduk.blogspot.com x ]]> beatrice http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/30-How-a-diagnosis-of-epilepsy-changed-my-life. http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/29-Funding-for-further-studies-a-nightmare Mon, 20 Jun 2011 09:37:11 GMT Current Student Debt: -£20,000.00 approx
Bank balance for further study: £0.00

Even though there has been recent talk that the legal industry should be more accessible to those who are from less well-off backgrounds, it seems as though if you don't have the money, then it makes it very difficult (if not impossible) for you to pursue this career path.

I don't actually know how I chose to study law. I just know I did. And I'm glad I did as I enjoy helping people make sense of the complex law in this country.

I knew I wanted to be a solicitor after completing a placement year in a law firm in the third year of my degree. So I enrolled on the Legal Practice Course in London, which is the first step to training to be a solicitor after a Law degree.

However, I then began to wonder how I would pay for this - it is expensive at £12,500! I did know that I did not want to give up just at the sight of the bill as this was my ideal profession. I knew I'd have to jump a few hurdles before getting there and this is what kept me going.

So, I made a list of my funding options with the guidance of my big brother;

1. Parents
2. Savings
3. Bank loan
4. Bursaries
5. Scholarships

I knew my parents could not afford to help me right now and my savings were non-existent, so they were out of the question.

I contacted a bank who I knew offered loans for professional studies, and in fact were the leaders of providing such loans to aspiring lawyers for many years. However, I reached a dead end as they told me they were going to stop providing this loan from April. I was very annoyed but kept thinking of my goal and this helped me seek further help from my University careers service. I asked for advice about where to try next for funding. They were very helpful as they showed me how to use this bursary database. However, I was not eligible to apply for most of them.

I found out about the Professional Career and Development Loan which is through 2 banks (Co-op or Barclays). The advantage of this scheme is that the Government pays for the interest on the loan while you're studying and for 2 months after your course has finished. I applied for the loan and am still waiting to hear back from them; but of course this means that I'll be even more debt without any job lined up. I again had to remind myself of my end goal...

During this time I half heartedly applied for the Law Society Bursary Scheme. You have to be in grave financial hardship to be eligible and depending on your situation they will pay up to the full amount of your tuition fees. I didn't expect to hear from them at all but I received an email a few weeks later inviting me to an interview! It was so unexpected I had to read it twice to make sure it wasn't a joke or something. I was excited at first but over the next few days I thought about what I would actually say to the panel. Why was I more deserving than say Joe Bloggs over there…?

So now, I'm just waiting to go to this interview and see what happens there. Constantly thinking if all this will be worth it… I really hope it is. ]]> L1ttleOne http://www.thesite.org/stepfinder/entry.php/29-Funding-for-further-studies-a-nightmare