I started self harming about 4 months ago, just after one of my closest friends had told me he'd been feeling suicidal. I was the only person he'd told so I felt responsible for him. He means everything to me so the thought of losing him was too much to cope with.
I guess it felt like everything in my life was out of my control, I couldn't control how Ben was feeling, I couldn't control my feelings for my ex, and the fact my friend had just
Ben and I hadn't been friends for very long really, less than a year, but we've always been close. We first started speaking in lessons and quickly I realised I really liked him, as a friend and more. At one point he liked me too, and we did have a kind-of relationship but it never really worked out. After that, our friendship grew to the point where we told each other almost everything. He means everything
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