1. Don't bottle things up

Sometimes it's easier to seethe in silence when someone does something to wind you up, but that doesn't make the issue go away. If anything, bottling up your feelings like this just makes the problem seem worse. It means you risk a situation where your mate steps just slightly out of line and you explode right in front of them - which doesn't solve anything.

2. Choose your moment

Whether your friend's just being annoying without realising, or s/he's done something terrible that's totally wound you up, it's always wise to pick a good time to talk - preferably when you're feeling calm and there's nobody else around to chip in or stir things up for you.

3. Explain how you feel

Your aim here is to encourage this person to see things from your point of view. If your mate can see the upset they've caused for themselves, they'll be more likely to change their behaviour towards you.

4. Avoid accusations

Nobody likes to feel as if they're being attacked, or that somehow they have to defend their actions, so don't lay into them - it'll only risk a fistfight (or that slappy-scrap thing girls do sometimes).

5. Give them space

You can't expect them to change their behaviour straight away, especially if you're both feeling a bit self-conscious after getting things out in the open. Instead, give them some time and space to process the problem and act upon it. If they value your friendship, you should see a new improved mate in no time.

Updated: 15/01/2009