The signs

Most relationships experts agree on one thing; if your loved one is cheating on you there are likely to be big changes in their behaviour. Look out for:

• Changes in emotional patterns: Getting angry or cold and distant for no obvious reason, or buying gifts and saying they love you if they've never done things like that before;
  
• Changes in sexual behaviour: They may want much less or more sex than usual, or use new sexual techniques they didn't learn from you;
  
• Changes in physical appearance: They may change their clothes and hairstyle, lose weight, or join a gym to get into shape;
  
• Changes in lifestyle: Working late at the office, having more nights out with friends, going off in the evenings to help a friend out with something.

Other ways you might find out:

• Lots of wrong number phone calls;
• Text messages to their mobile;
• A friend tells you about them;
• They confess to you;
• You catch them both at it.

Important: unless you actually catch your lover in bed with someone else, you shouldn't jump to any conclusions. Don't just steam on in with an angry accusation, give them a fair chance to explain themselves. Make sure that you are not just being irrationally jealous or paranoid.

They have cheated, so now what?

If your lover has done the dirty on you, be prepared to go through any number of emotions from anger, to hurt and misery, or maybe even relief. Talk it through with a trusted friend, rather than bottling things up.

It's up to you to decide whether you want to finish the relationship or not. If you think there is a chance that you can forgive them, it's important to find why they were unfaithful in the first place. You will both have to be prepared to make some changes if things are going to work out.

You will also have to talk to your partner to make sure they didn't expose you to sexually transmitted infections. If you don't believe their explanation, play safe and get yourself a check-up anyway.

Updated: 13/04/2010