Move in or move on?
You have a toothbrush at their place and half their wardrobe resides at yours. You're beginning to forget what your own place looks like. Maybe it's time to move in together?
The case for:
- Cash: It is cheaper. Renting two places when you are always at one just doesn't make sense; just think how much more cash you could have to shop with!
- Convenient: "I was spending every night at his house anyway, so it just made sense for me to eventually move in," is a popular statement. Many couples have very busy lives and want to spend as much time together as possible. While they may not be ready for a lifelong commitment, they know that, right now at least, they want to spend their lives together, and this is much easier if they are living in the same house.
- Testing: For couples who are considering marriage but are scared and want to be certain they are compatible, cohabitation acts as a 'trial run'. If they still want to make the commitment after seeing one another at their worst (with morning breath and toenail clippings and dirty underwear strewn in the corner) then it must really be 'meant to be'!
- Comfort: Having your loved one around most of the time, if a good relationship, can make you happy, relaxed soul and healthier for it.
- Commitment: Whether for or against marriage, living together can be a show of commitment to your partner, placing more importance on your relationship and showing that you really do care.
The case against:
- Cash: Benefits, loans etc may take into account your partner when you try to apply for money. If one of you is working the DSS see it as your responsibility to provide for your partner. They may class a very small amount of cash as enough for the two of you to live on - be warned.
- Religion: Most major religions prohibit premarital sex. And, while it's increasingly rare for couples to marry with their cherry intact these days, living together before marriage seems to take premarital sex one step further. The argument is that it can look like a public admission and endorsement of a sexual relationship without the lifelong commitment before God and friends.
- Tradition: The fairytale of the happy ever after lives on in many people's dreams. They want the tradition of the wedding ceremony and all the firsts of married life - their first morning, cooking their first meal on the plates they bought together, the first bin bag they put out.OK you get the picture. Some consider moving in together without a wedding to be the same as opening your presents before your birthday, taking the specialness away.
- 'The Rules': The whole milk and cow thing. It's a popular fear that, if a man is getting all the perks of marriage without a lifelong, legally binding commitment, he may take his time before popping the question...or may not ask at all! However the same could be said for today's women.
- The research: Studies show that women who live with lovers are less likely to marry, and their chances go down with each successive partner. However if you don't want to marry your chances are what you make them.
Take your time, make sure deep down you feel it is the right thing to do and then go for it and move in. Remember you can always leave if it doesn't work out, but if it does you will be in domestic bliss. If on the other hand you decide you don't want to move in and the relationship has come to a natural end, say so, and move on with your life.
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