Violent violation
Question
I thought I was ready to have sex with this guy I've been seeing, but I realised I was wrong. The thing is, he obviously was ready and tried to force me to have sex with him. When he couldn't get inside me he made me get down on my knees and give him a blow job. He really hurt me. I feel sick to the stomach when I think about it. I'm completely disgusted. What should I do?
Answer
We're sorry to hear about what you have been through. You've taken a brave step in contacting us.
It's important to remember that no man ever has the right to force himself upon a woman. If a woman says no to sex, or any other sexual act then this means no. If a woman changes her mind at any time and doesn't want to continue, a man does not have the right to continue against her consent.
What your boyfriend did was wrong and a criminal offence. The law currently defines rape as the non-consensual penetration of the vagina or anus by penis. New law in England and Wales also includes within the definition of rape forced penetration of the mouth by penis (forced oral sex is still sexual assault in Scotland and Northern Ireland).
Research shows that in the majority of cases the woman knows the rapist. He may be a friend, a workmate, relative or partner.
You've told us you feel sick to your stomach and disgusted, any sexual attack often leaves victims deeply traumatised. It is sometimes difficult for victims to understand what has happened to them was not their fault and completely the fault of their attacker/s. It is very important for you to talk about what has happened with someone you can trust.
You could go and see a counsellor at a Brook Centre (for under 25s only). Counselling is free and confidential at all Brook Centres. Or you could call the Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Centre counselling line on 020 8683 3311.
It's not clear whether you have been at risk of pregnancy. But it's important to know the penis leaks a few drops of semen as soon as it is hard, so there is a risk of pregnancy if the penis comes into contact with the vagina, even if the man doesn't ejaculate. You don't say when this happened or whether any contraception was used. If you think that sperm may have come into contact with your vagina within the last five days, you should seek advice on emergency contraception as soon as possible.
If you think you may have been at risk of pregnancy more than five days ago and you would like confidential advice about arranging a pregnancy test you should visit your local family planning clinic or Brook Centre. These services offer free pregnancy testing and advice.
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Question answered by YouthNet in association with Brook
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