Sexual seizing
Question
I've been with my girlfriend for almost six months and although we're both keen to have a sexual relationship it's not turned out to be that simple. Every time we try to have sex my girlfriend seizes up and the muscles in her vagina contract. It becomes impossible to even try to have sex without causing her pain, something I really, really don't want to do. She is a virgin and someone told me it might be because of that. Do you think that's the case?
Answer
When girls have sex for the first time, it can be uncomfortable and some women do bleed a little, if the hymen (a small piece of thin skin which covers some of the opening of the vagina) is still intact, as it will break the first time they have sexual intercourse. This doesn't happen in all women as the hymen may already have broken before sex, e.g. through using tampons or though sports.
But even after the first time, penetration can be difficult if a woman is tense, not aroused enough or if she's too dry. It sounds like this may be happening to your girlfriend.
It's important for both of you to take your time and make sure you both feel aroused enough before you attempt penetrative sex. You can enter your girlfriend's vagina with your penis very slowly and check with her that it feels OK. To make it easier, people sometimes use lubricants like KY Jelly. Lubricants are free from Brook or family planning services or can be bought from chemists. It is important not to use any oil-based lubricant if you're using condoms as they can rot rubber. Intercourse usually becomes easier and more comfortable in time.
It is natural for your girlfriend to worry or feel anxious about having sex for the first time. Learning to feel more relaxed and confident takes time and practice. All your sexual experiences will be more positive if you can both talk about what you like, dislike or want.
If you're thinking of having sex, you will need to use contraception to help reduce the risks of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). You and your girlfriend can go along to your local doctor (GP), local Brook Centre (for under 25s) or a local family planning clinic. Advice is given in confidence and contraception will be free. You can also buy condoms from a chemist and other retail outlets.
Updated: 17/01/2008
Question answered by YouthNet in association with Brook
