Out of reach
I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and we started having sex about three months ago. It's great and everything but I'm worried because I find it really difficult to orgasm. I think I'm getting there but I rarely seem to be able to come. I know I can come so why can't I do it all the time?
It's not uncommon for women to worry about, and experience difficulties with, having an orgasm. There can be a lot of pressure on women and the media often leads people to believe that women reach orgasm every time that they have penetrative sex.
This is a myth and it can be very confusing. According to research, a large majority of women (75%) will need clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm. The clitoris is situated on the exterior of the vagina, above the vulva, it looks or feels like a small-sized pea. It is a very sensitive part of a women's body and when stimulated it can lead to orgasm but it is important to remember that everyone is different in what brings them to orgasm.
If a woman doesn't have an orgasm or finds it difficult to climax it doesn't necessarily mean there is something wrong with her. It could simply mean that she hasn't yet learnt how to have an orgasm. It can take some women a while to learn how to have an orgasm. Masturbation helps some women to learn about their own bodies and how to pleasure themselves. Once a woman has learned to experience pleasure at her own touch and to feel better about her body, she can share what she has learned with her partner.
Women, just like men, can experience sexual problems. Talking and sharing your concerns with your partner is important. Communication can be an important part of solving difficulties and enjoying a good sexual relationship.
You can also visit your local Brook Centre and have a chat with a counsellor there. If you're under 25 you can talk to someone there in complete confidence, about anything to do with sex and relationships or you can call the Brook Freephone Helpline on 0800 0185 023.
Question answered by YouthNet in association with Brook