Virtual lesbian
Question
Ive been attracted to other women before but recently I've been talking online line to a lady I just can't stop thinking about. I can't help feeling I'd rather be with her than my husband.
If she can't chat or has to leave early I miss her so much that I'm miserable until we talk again. Does this mean I'm a lesbian? Do you think I'm in love with her?
Answer
Whatever feelings and desires your connection with this woman have stirred up, you have to think about what it means for your marriage first. You have to be honest with yourself, and ask whether you're exploring another side to your sexuality, or simply fulfilling a basic need for company.
What's more, you should be aware that right now your feelings for this woman are based on communicating online. Without meeting for real, you're effectively still strangers. In this view, it's easy to fall for the fantasy of what this woman is like, which risks disappointment and more should she fail to meet your expectations.
Please remember, however that if you are planning on meeting anyone offline for the first time there are some simple rules you should follow.
That you've turned to online chat and built up this sort of relationship also suggests something is lacking in your relationship at home. If so, perhaps this is the opportunity you need to start looking at how things are between you and your husband.
You could also consider contacting the Lesbian and Gay Switchboard (020 7837 7324) and talk to someone who can identify with what you're going through from experience. They won't judge you, or assume you must be gay. They'll simply provide a chance for you to talk. At the very least, it'll help you make sense of things so you feel able to reach a decision about your next steps.
Updated: 20/04/2006
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
