To say or not to say
Question
I'm in love with my boyfriend. We haven't been together that long but I'm certain of my feelings for him. We've joked about settling down together, but he's the first man who I've ever met that I really do want to spend my life with. I think he feels the same way. Should I say anything? How should I tell him I love him?
Answer
Falling in love with someone can be an amazing feeling, especially when it's for the first time. And it isn't always easy to be certain that your partner feels exactly the same way. It's natural to feel anxious about revealing your feelings; telling someone you love could make you feel vulnerable and risks changing the relationship for good.
The length of time you've been together isn't necessarily important (though telling someone you love them on the second date isn't advisable) as strong feelings can develop very quickly, depending on the kind of people you are.
If you've been joking about having kids and getting married it's likely he's also got strong feelings for you. But be aware that talking about these things in an abstract way doesn't necessarily mean either of you really wants them now. He may not be ready for marriage and kids and if you come on too strong he could feel trapped and want out. Although being in love with someone may mean you feel like you want to have kids with them, the reality of marriage and starting a family is rather different. There's plenty of time for you to have these things in the future. For now you could just try focusing on the good time you're having at the moment.
As for signs he's in love with you, if this is the case he'll probably be very affectionate, will want to spend as much time as possible with you and will find it hard to say goodbye when you have to part. Of course, everybody is different and these are just general signs. It's up to you whether you tell him you love him, or wait for him to say it first; there's no right or wrong way of going about it. If you don't want to make it too much of a big deal you could just let it slip out next time you're having a good time together. He may say I love you too, but don't be shocked or surprised if he doesn't respond. What matters is that once you've said you love someone you can't take it back. If he doesn't feel the same way he'll know you feel more strongly about him than he does about you, which could change the dynamics of the relationship for good.
The words, 'I love you', are just words that express a feeling. Some people find them easier to say than others. Some people say them to lots of people all the time. Others only use them to one or two very special people in their lives. What's important is how you feel and whether you decide to say 'I love you,' not second guessing how he might react.
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