Parental predicament
Question
My parents are getting divorced, and I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of them and their arguments. Basically, my mum has been trying to leave my dad for a long time but he's always refused to divorce her, until now.
He found out she'd had an affair and is divorcing her on the grounds of her adultery. The thing is, throughout the whole thing he's been so horrible to her, shouting and calling her names and generally making her life hell. The arguments are horrendous.
I feel like I'm at breaking point, and I know she is too, but I don't think I can support her any longer. I can barely look after myself. And I love my dad but what he's doing is so wrong. I'm so confused, what can I do?
Answer
When your parents are going through a divorce it can be very distressing and unsettling. You see your parents in a completely different light; as vulnerable people, who might not always behave as you'd wish or expect. It must be very shocking to see your dad acting like this, so it's unsurprising you feel caught in the middle and unsure where your loyalties lie.
It might be a good idea to talk to your dad. He might not realise how much his behaviour is upsetting you. He's probably not thinking straight at all. An appeal from you might make him think about his behaviour.You might also want to try talking to somebody about what you're going through and how you're feeling. You can call Youth Access in confidence on 020 8772 9900 and they will be able to put you in touch with a local counselling service. But if you'd prefer to talk to someone your own age you can contact Youth2Youth, a service run by young people, for young people on 020 8896 3675 or by email. In addition, Divorce Aid recommends a leaflet you may find helpful called "My Family's Splitting Up". They also have information online to help parents and children thorough all aspects of divorce, from the legal and financial to the emotional.
You might want to try talking to both your parents about the possibility of having family counselling, which can help everybody to express how they feel and iron out differences. Relate offers this service and you, or your parents can call them on 0300 100 1234.
Finally, is there a relative or friend you could stay with for a little while? It might help you cope if you get away from the stress and arguments, even if it's only for a few days.
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