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What makes great sex for someone? Is there something I can do to make the difference between just sex and really good sex?

I'm afraid your question is almost impossible to answer because everybody is different and has different tastes; in clothes, food and, you've guessed it, sex too.

There is no universal definition of what good sex is. Some people like gentle sex, some people like rough sex and some people can feel differently from day to day. Some people have unusual fetishes, they may find feet, or ears particular turn-ons. And exactly the same things will repulse other people. But in general, good sex is sex enjoyed by two consenting adults, where nobody is forced to do anything that makes them feel uncomfortable. Most people think sex is good when their partner is attentive and loving and shows that they're enjoying themselves too. Knowing each other's likes and dislikes is important.

But good sex isn't just about being physical. It reflects your relationship with the other person. If you're upset or angry, you're unlikely to feel that sex is good. If you don't know the other person very well, you may feel inhibited in bed, so you can't enjoy sex as much as you might. Good sex is about good communication, both in and outside of the bedroom. It's about feeling comfortable, feeling wanted and feeling confident - whether you're man, woman, straight, gay, or bi.

Don't try to rate sex, it's not a competitive sport. Sure, some people are more athletic or more flexible or more adventurous than others, but that doesn't make them the best lovers. And try not to rate your own performance either.

Updated: 19/04/2005

Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors